Walking Through Fire Without A Burn
by NeverlandNat
Summary: Dan was a pretty normal student. He spent most of his time alone, which was how he liked it. Until Phil came along. Life then changed for the better...And the worse. Read through their struggles with life, acceptance, and love. Rated M for later things. Dan Howell, Phil Lester, danisnotonfire. AmazingPhil, Phan. The title is a lyric from my favorite musical, Rent, just so you know.
1. Hot New Student

** So hi. It's my new story. I really hope you guys like it. I know this chapter may be a bit boring, but it's only the first chapter. I promise it will all get way better and more interesting. I think this whole thing will be in Dan's POV by the way. Thanks, guys. Enjoy!**

I run up to my school and dash inside. I quickly get to my locker and pull out my necessary books and slam the door shut. As I do so, the warning bell rings, telling me that I have one minute to get to class, or I'll be late. Again. I keep this in mind as I shove past people in the hallway. If I'm late to history one more time, I'll get murdered by my teacher. I take the stairs from the first floor to the third floor two at a time. Because I'm so unfit, I'm totally out of breath by the time I reach the third floor. Just as I reach the door of my class, the final bell rings. I slip into my seat as I cough up my lungs.

"Daniel Howell." Mrs. Williams, my history teacher, yells. "I thought I said if you were late to class one more time, you'd get detention." She crosses her arms. The whole class looks at me.

"I got here right as the bell rang! Please, one more chance." I beg. The class snickers.

"One more chance. Then it's detention for a week."

She then decides to go ahead and start the lesson. I zone out, looking at my desk. History is so boring. It's the only class I'm failing. And Mrs. Williams hates my guts. I can't help that I find it boring and I have a teacher who wants to fail me anyways. I'm lost in the depths of my mind, not bothering to do the assignment laying out in front of me. Maybe that's why I'm failing. As I pretend to work for most of the period, I suddenly hear the voice of a person that I've never heard before. Slowly, I lift my head.

"Sorry I'm late." The boy says, shyly. He sticks out his hand to give the teacher a pass. He must be new. I haven't seen him before.

"That's okay, Philip." She said with- is that a smile? I've never seen this bitch smile before. "You're new, I wouldn't expect you to know your way just yet." As he stands there, I take in his appearance.

He has perfectly straight dark black hair. It looks really soft. His skin is pale, like _really_ pale, with a flawless complexion. My eyes begin to trail over his body. If I'm being honest, he's pretty fit, and those clothes he's wearing only shows that off. He's got on black skinny jeans, black converse, and...oh my god. A Muse shirt. I fucking love Muse. As my eyes trail back up his body, I feel my heart flutter. How did I not notice those eyes? They are the brightest blue I've ever seen. He's at the front of the room, and I can see them all the way from the back of the room. I keep my eyes practically glued to his when he looks directly at me. I quickly look back down at my desk and feel my face begin to heat up. I'm so fucking awkward. When I look back up, he's still looking at me with a smile on his face. Dear god, _that smile._

Then, Mrs. Williams points my way.

"You can take that empty seat next to Daniel over there."

Philip makes his way to the desk beside mine. No one wanted to sit next to me, so it was the only available one. Not that I mind that now. I watched him as he put his backpack down and sits. He offers me a small smile, which I gladly returned.

"I like your shirt." I say, wishing I could be less awkward.

"Thanks. Daniel's your name, right?"

"Yeah ,but call me Dan. Teachers are the only ones that use my full name."

"Well then, in that case, call me Phil." He smiles again.

"Well, Phil, welcome to this hellhole of a school."

"Oh no. Is it that bad?" He asks, disappointed.

"Sadly. It's mostly the people here that make it so terrible."

"Really? _You_ don't seem like a terrible person." He says. I laugh a little bit.

"Thanks. I try not to be. I try to fly under the radar of most people here, so I just keep quiet. It's easier."

"Easier than what, exactly?"

"Getting picked on, getting beat up, being generally hated." I say, nonchalantly. He gulps.

"Quite a school."

"You haven't even heard half of it."

"Well, can't wait to hear more. Hopefully from you." He winked. I blushed and looked down. He certainly gains confidence quickly. The bell then rang, making me jump.

"Do you um want me to walk you to your next class? I mean since you might not know where it is." I offer, somewhat awkwardly.

"Sure." He accepts.

Everyone is already out of the classroom by the time Phil and I stand up. As we put on our backpacks, I get distracted by Phil's eyes again. They're so blue, so pure. You could go swimming in those eyes. How can such small things be so perfect? I realize that I'm staring when Phil clears his throat.

"Dan?"

"Oh um I'm sorry. I just... You have beautiful eyes." I say before I can stop myself. I mentally facepalm. I then notice that Phil's blushing.

"Thanks."

"So um, let's go. Who do you have next?" I ask as he looks at his schedule.

"Um Tuscano." He answers.

"Ah. Lucky you."

"Why lucky me?"

"Because I have the class right across the hall from you."

"Well I guess I am lucky then. Anyone remotely close to you has to be pretty lucky." Was he... Flirting with me? No. No one has ever flirted with me before. No way.

"There's your classroom." I say, pointing to a door we approach." And if you want, I could maybe walk you to your class after this. I mean only if you want. Not that I don't want to, I just-"

"I would love that. I'll see you in an hour." He said. I smiled as he walked into his classroom. I turned and walked into my own classroom, still smiling.

As I sit in my seat, my mind races. Why do I already feel so strangely towards Phil? I only just met him. Probably because he's not a dick like everyone else in this school. But I somehow don't think that's it. There's something about him. I can't explain it, not even to myself. I mean, I don't like him in _that _way. I mean I just met him last period. And I'm not even gay. I shouldn't feel this way about another guy.

Then why do I?

** Okay so, this chapter is originally long as all hell, but I decided to split it into two different chapters for many reasons. Because of that, the next chapter will be up very soon, I promise. So yes, future chapters will be longer! It's so good to be back with a multi-chapter story, and it's about time! **

**-Natalie**


	2. Phil's Back Story

**Hey guys! So I did say this new chapter would be up soon, so here it is. I don't have much to say. Except that you all should go see World War Z. It was epic. So yeah, enjoy!**

When the bell rings after second period, I jump out of my seat and rush to the door of Phil's classroom. I wait there for him as all of the students pour out of the classroom. I roll my eyes as I see the world's biggest asshole, Tony, and his stupid little gang, Mac and Charlie, walk out of the classroom. Tony was the main guy in their group. All Mac and Charlie seemed to do was follow him around, watch Tony, and high five or laugh with him. What dicks. After they pass, Phil comes out of the classroom, being the last one. I smile when I see him.

"So what class do you have next, Phil?" I ask.

"Um... Free period." He says. I'm instantly thrilled.

"Really? Me too!" We start walking down the hall, dodging students when necessary.

"Cool. Where do you usually go?"

"I go down to the auditorium. There aren't any acting classes this period, so no one is in there."

"You have acting classes here? My old school didn't."

"Yeah. I'm in it fourth period."

"That's cool. I didn't know that you're an actor." Phil says, somewhat impressed.

"Yeah. I guess I am." I say as we approach the auditorium. I open the door and hold it for him. As he walks through, he smiles at me. I go to the stage with Phil following next to me. I drop my backpack on the stage and sit on the front of the stage. Phil puts his backpack with mine and sits right next to me. "I guess we don't really know that much about each other yet, do we?"

"Not really."

So that's how we spent the majority of the period. Just getting to know each other. I learned so much about him in that short time. He already knows more about me than anyone else does. Also, it turns out his old school is the one that's just about 20 minutes away from here.

"Why do you go here now? Did you move?" I ask. He looks down at his lap.

"Oh um no. I transferred. I uh... I got bullied really bad." He looked uncomfortable.

"You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to." I say, not wanting to push him.

"No, it's fine. I trust you." He looks me in the eyes, smiling. I smile too. No one has ever said that to me before. Phil's smile, however, quickly fades. "No one in my old school liked me. And I mean it when I say no one. I don't really know why though. I never did anything wrong. Anyways, everyone would always call me awful names. Emo, ugly, stupid, any name you could think of. They would throw balled up paper at me with insults written on them. I got beat up all the time too. Every day. One time, I had to go to the hospital because this guy called Josh pushed me down the stairs. I broke my arm, so he should have gotten in serious trouble. But since no one liked me, everyone backed him up and said I fell. Josh didn't get in trouble. No one ever did. The teachers didn't even care. Last month, Josh gave me the worst beating yet. When he was done, he said to me 'Next time, I'll kill you, you worthless piece of shit.' I can still hear him say it. I ran home to tell my mum and she flipped out. She threatened to sue the school, but she didn't. She pulled me out of that school right away, and enrolled me in this one. I spent the last month at home, recovering from my last beating and working up the courage to come here." Phil had tears in his eyes by the end, but it's obvious he didn't want them to fall. I went over to him and put my arm around him, pulling him closer.

"Oh Phil. I'm so sorry that happened. That won't happen here. I won't let it. I promise."

"Thanks, Dan. It means a lot."

"You're welcome. And I was just kind of wondering something."

"What?"

"Do you want to come to my house after school? We could play video games or something." I offered, nervously. He sat up and smiled.

"Sure." He answered. I then realized my arm was still around him. I awkwardly, and a little too quickly, pulled my arm away.

"I uh... Sorry." I muttered, blushing a bit.

"It's okay." He mutters back. I can see him blushing out of the corner of my eye. The bell rings, interrupting this new awkward situation. Luckily, we both get over it.

"Do you want me to walk you to your next class?" I ask as we stand up. We already compared schedules, and we know we have different classes this period. I have acting in here, while Phil has math upstairs.

"No, it's fine. You're already in your classroom. It would be stupid if you end up late to this class just because you want to walk me."

"Okay. I'll see you at lunch then." Fortunately, he had fifth period lunch with me, so we could see each other then.

"Okay. See ya." He said as he left.

I got off stage and went to my assigned seat in the audience. I know Phil just left, but I already kind of want to see him again. I have a feeling that this class will take forever.

X

Right before the bell rang, I was on stage performing a piece that I was assigned last week. The acting teacher, Mrs. Leva, clapped her hands. "Brilliant, Dan! Beautiful!" she said. Not to brag, but I always was her favorite.

I headed off stage as the bell rang and grabbed my backpack. I quickly stuffed my script in the bag and zipped it up. As I turned to leave from my seat, I slipped and fell on top of some seats.

"Oh shit!" I yelled on my way down. The arm rests of the seat hit me painfully in the stomach and...other places. Thank god everyone already left the auditorium. I stand up and walk painfully to the door.

"Did you know that you're an amazing actor?" I hear as I open the door, scaring me.

"Jesus, Phil. Way to scare me! And thank you. How did you see it?"

"Well, my teacher was distracted, and I knew it would be hard to find you next period in the cafeteria, so I wanted to wait for you here. Then you went on stage and... Yeah I wanted to watch. You were seriously like really good. Like a professional." I blushed as he complimented my acting.

"Thanks."

"So lunch?"

"Yep. Follow me."

We walked to the cafeteria and I led him to the table where I usually sit alone. Even though I wasn't used to it, it was nice to have some company. Finally.

You'd think that after we spend our whole free period together, we'd have absolutely nothing to talk about. It was actually the complete opposite. We had too much to talk about. We talked non-stop until the bell rang. I wanted to keep on talking, but unfortunately, lunch was our last class together for the day. And I couldn't even walk him to his next class because our classes are on different floors and opposite sides of the school. Now I have to wait until after school to talk to him again. I'm glad I invited him over. I'm glad he said he'd like to come over.

I can't wait.

**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. Once again, I know this wasn't that long, but it's because this used to be a big chapter before splitting it in two. Future chapters might be longer. Probably. So my dad wanted his name in the story, so I made him Tony the bully. And then Mac and Charlie (Tony's gang) are characters from our favorite TV show. Fun facts. So, new chapter soon! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	3. Day At Dan's

**Hey guys! So I feel really scared to post anything now because MY DAD FOUND THIS ACCOUNT! So now, I don't want to post anything in fear he'll see it. But the show must go on! Dad if you're reading this, please go away. I'll make you kool-aid if you leave and don't read any of my stories. Thank you. As for the rest of you guys, enjoy! Oh and somewhere in this chapter, there is a bit of a callback to The True Meaning Of A Friend. A special character makes a little appearance for a second, so keep a look out!**

I wait impatiently by the front doors of the school, tapping my foot. I scan the crowd of people coming out, only to be disappointed. Where is he?

"Boo!" Someone grabs my shoulders from behind me.

"What the shit?!" I scream as I jump from being scared. Then I realize it's Phil. "That's the second time you scared me today. If you do that again, I'm going to have to rip your face off." I warn, jokingly. Phil laughs.

"Got it."

We start making the short journey to my house. It only takes about five minutes to walk there from school. As we walked in the door, Phil looked around.

"I like your house. It's nice."

"Thanks. No one's home, so we can do whatever." I tell him. "Come on."

I grab his hand and lead him up to my room. I open the door to reveal my room, which is surprisingly quite clean. I don't have much in here. I have my bed against one wall, my closet full of clothes, my desk that I never use, my piano that I play more often than I'd like to admit, my TV placed across from my bed (with my many epic gaming systems), and a giant shelf of games.

"So what do you want to do?" I ask as I drop his hand, realizing that I was still holding it. First I accidentally keep my arm around him, and now I hold his hand. He must know something's up. I decide if I ignore the fact that I was holding his hand, maybe he'd ignore it too.

"I don't know." He says, looking around. He notices my collection of video games and walks over to them. "Wow. How did you get so many games?"

"Years of begging parents for new games." I smile when I hear him laugh. "Wanna play one?"

"Sure."

"Okay. You can pick."

Phil studies the shelf and looks at all the titles. He picks one out and tosses it to me. I, by some sort of miracle, catch it. I look at the case, seeing that he picked Guitar Hero.

"Good choice." I comment.

"Yeah. It's the only video game I'm actually good at." Phil says. I grab the disk and put it in the system. I grab two guitars and walk over to Phil.

"I'm pretty good at most video games." I brag a bit. I hand Phil a guitar. "I'm even letting you use my favorite guitar."

"Well aren't I special?" Phil smiled.

"You are." I reply, meaningfully. Phil and I kind of just smile shyly at each other, both obviously blushing a bit.

"So let's play!" Phil cheered, breaking the silence. I sat on the bed and Phil plopped down next to me.

"Prepare to lose!" I say, acting bad-ass.

"Yeah right. I'm sure you're going to lose." Phil replies, determined to beat me.

After we played five songs, I realize that I run my mouth too much. Out of the five games we played, Phil won four of them. The only reason I won the other one was because I blocked the TV trying to sabotage Phil. When I won that game, Phil tackled me back onto the bed, pinning my arms down.

"Cheater!" He called, laughing loudly.

"Am not!" I retorted, also laughing.

"Yes you are! Admit it!"

"Never!"

Suddenly, I felt Phil's hand on my neck. Damn myself for telling him my neck issues!

"Admit it!" Phil repeated. I was squirming like mad under him, willing him to stop touching my neck. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay! Fine! Yes, I cheated!"

"Ha!" He laughed, victorious. He got off of me and we continued playing, and Phil continued winning.

By the time we finished a few more songs, it was around 6 PM. I was getting hungry, and I'm sure Phil was too. I took out the disk from the system and put it back in its case.

"You hungry, Phil?" I ask.

"Yeah. Are you?" He answers, handing me the guitar.

"Starving. I could order a pizza if you want. My parents won't be home until later, so pizza seems like a good option."

"Why? Can't cook?"

"Not really. I shouldn't be allowed in kitchens."

"Well I guess I'll have to teach you how to cook. But not tonight because pizza sounds good right now."

"Fine. I'm looking forward to that cooking lesson." I grab my phone and dial a nearby pizza place. "What kind, Phil?"

"Pepperoni." He answers.

I order the pizza and when I turn around, I see Phil making himself comfortable on my bed. He's laying down, looking at the ceiling. I lay down next to him with almost no space in between our bodies.

"Thanks." Phil says suddenly.

"What do you mean? What for?"

"I don't know. Everything." He turns his head to look at me. I turn to look back at him. "For showing me around school, for inviting me over, for buying me dinner. I've just never really had anyone be this nice to me and now I do. We've only known each other for a day, and I already feel really close to you." He smiles. I smile back.

"Of course, Phil. That's what friends do for each other. At least I'm pretty sure that's what they do. I've never really had anyone this close either."

"Well, now we have each other."

"Yeah." I bite my lip. "We do."

We lay there in silence, totally comfortable. Just laying on my bed, looking at the ceiling above us. I wonder what he's thinking about. What if he's thinking about me? What _about _me, though? Or he could be thinking about something completely different. I turn to look at him only to see that's he's already looking at me.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask, quietly.

"You." He answers, even quieter.

I lean in closer to him, not entirely sure what I'm doing. All I can think about is what it would feel like to just... Kiss him. What would he think? What would he do? Maybe I should just-.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of the doorbell. I reluctantly move my face away from Phil's, only now realizing how close I was to actually kissing him. Damn that pizza for getting here fast.

"I'll be right back." I say as I grab my wallet.

I rush downstairs after pulling out money for the pizza. I open the door to a girl with reddish-blonde hair. Was she wearing... A fake mustache? I glance at her name tag, which says "Veronika" on it.

"Hello yes I have your pizza!" She says in a fake Italian accent. I take the pizza from her and give her my money.

"Um thanks." I say, thoroughly freaked out. She hands me my change, which I just shove carelessly in my pocket.

"Oh you are very welcome!" She says as she twirls, literally twirls, away. I slowly shut the door, unsure of what to think of that experience.

I walk into the kitchen and grab two plates and some napkins for me and Phil. I also grab two cans of coke, struggling to carry all of this. I kick open the door with my foot and put the pizza box on the bed. I hand Phil a plate and a coke.

"Thanks." Phil says as I sit down next to him. We both grab some pizza and start eating.

"You already said that. You don't need to thank me for everything."

"I know, but I really mean it. Thank you." He says. I know he isn't just talking about me buying him dinner.

"I mean it too. Don't worry about it." After we ate, we got right back to talking again. As if that almost-kiss didn't happen.

"So why isn't your family home?" Phil asked.

"Well mum and dad both work a lot, so they usually get home really late. Usually 9, but sometimes earlier, sometimes later. I don't really mind though. I've learned how to fend for myself." I laugh a bit. "What about you? What's your family like?"

"My dad travels, so I hardly get to see him. Right now, he's in Africa. It's pretty cool that he travels, but sometimes I miss him. Then my mum is usually always home. She works from her office in our house, but she sometimes has to go to her office building downtown. Then I have a brother, but he's years older than me. He lives a few hours away with his wife."

"I have a brother too. He's younger, but he's never home. He practically lives at his friend's house."

"Do you like having the house to yourself?"

"Yeah I guess. What teenaged boy wouldn't like it? I get kind of lonely sometimes though, but it's not like I wouldn't be alone in my room if they _were_ home."

"Well, you don't always have to be alone. You could come to my house sometime." Phil smiled.

"Yeah. I'd like that." I say. Suddenly, my door opened. It's my mum.

"Daniel, I'm home. Who's this?" She asks, indicating Phil.

"Mum, this is Phil, my friend from school. Phil, this is my mum."

"Hi, Mrs. Howell."

"Oh hello, Phil. Nice to meet you." She smiles. "How come I've never met you before?"

"I'm new at school. Today was my first day."

"Oh. Well, I hope you enjoy it here." She keeps her smile as she exits.

"Your mum seems nice. Much nicer than mine."

"Yeah. I'm surprised she's home so early. It's only 7:45."

"Really? I should probably get home soon. Mum might want me home."

"She doesn't let you stay out late?"

"She usually does, it's just that she has a lot of work this week and when she has a lot of work, she gets worried about everything." He explains while slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Do you need a ride?" I ask.

"No I can walk."

"But it's dark outside. It's not safe." I say, genuinely concerned about his safety.

"I don't live that far." He reasons.

"How far?"

"I don't know. Um probably a mile." He guesses. I stand up with him.

"Hell no. Philip, you're getting a ride."

"Alright."

"Let's go." I say, walking through the house to the front door. I grab my mum's keys and head to the car.

"Your mum doesn't mind that you're taking her car?" Phil asks.

"Nah." I say as we pull away from my house.. "I take it all the time. She doesn't care." Phil directs me down streets, telling me how to get to his house.

"Third house on the right." He says. I pull in to the driveway of a big house. It's very nice looking and elegant. It's white with a pale blue door and matching pale blue shutters. It must be at least three floors. Phil opens the door and gets out. "Thanks again, Dan. I really appreciate it." His blue eyes light up.

"Anytime. It's the least I could do." I smile back.

"See you tomorrow." He says before closing the car door. He turns and starts to make his way to his house. When he's out of hearing range, I put my head against the head rest and whisper to myself.

"Tomorrow. I can't wait."

I wait until he's safely inside before I pull away and start driving home. Only then do I allow myself to think what has been tugging at my mind all day.

I've got it bad for Phil.

**There was the kind of long chapter three! I hope you guys liked it. And I promise, things will get more interesting starting next chapter. Although, you guys seem to like it now, which is great! Thanks for all the positive feedback! New chapter up in probably three days. I would make it two days like usual, but I'm busy on Tuesday. And tomorrow. Blackhawks game is more important sorry. THEY NEED TO WIN TOMORROW! Hockey is the only sport I care about. Obviously. So yeah. See you guys soon! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	4. That's Not How I See You

**Hello there! I said this chapter would be up in three days, but it turns out I'm not busy today, so it's up... Now. In other news, THE BLACKHAWKS WON LAST NIGHT AND WON THE STANLEY CUP OMFG I WAS SCREAMING IT WAS AMAZING! That is all. I'm sure you saw my celebration if you follow my twitter. So yeah, chapter four. Yes, enjoy.**

It has been a week since Phil's first day and in that time, we've gotten so close. Closer than I thought I could ever get to anyone. It's strange to actually have a friend, you know? Someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to just be with. It's different than what I've known my whole life. But there is one bad thing about all of this.

I'm falling for Phil.

I didn't want to accept it at first. I've never really felt this way about any other guy before. Or anyone, really. But I'm pretty sure I like him as more than a friend. And everyday, I fall a little bit harder. It's the way he talks to me. His playful tone, which can also be serious. It's the way he smiles at me. One side of his mouth curls up higher than the other. It's the way he listens to me. Pure concentration on his face, taking in everything I say, showing that he really cares. It's everything about him. I notice things about him that no one else does.

I shouldn't feel this way about him. Not about Phil. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I do. I do feel this way about Phil. I can't change it. I shouldn't _want_ to change it. I should be okay with how I feel. Accept myself. But is it that easy?

I know I have to learn to accept myself soon because I'm certain of my feelings towards Phil. My heart leaps every time I see him, my stomach gets butterflies when he looks into my eyes, and every comment he makes or story he tells, I am completely enthralled.

I wish I could tell Phil of my feeling towards him, but I can't. At least not yet. Maybe not ever. For now I'll just keep it inside. Pounding in my head, wanting to escape.

But for right now, I need to stop thinking about it, because it's time for my favorite class if the day. Free period with Phil. As we sit on the stage, I try to clear my head of these unwelcome thoughts. Phil seems to notice.

"Is everything okay?" Phil asks.

"Yeah. Just kind of spacing out." I lie.

For most of the period, we talk about most of the random crap we usually talk about. Then Phil surprises me with a question I never really expected him to ask.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I um no. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I was curious. We've never really talked about that sort of thing."

"I-I guess you're right. We haven't." We're silent for a moment. "Do you?" I ask. He laughs lightly.

"Of course not. No one wants to date me. I've never had a girlfriend."

"I haven't either. Why would you say no one wants to date you?"

"Have you ever seen me? Or talked to me?"

"Yeah I have. And that doesn't answer my question. There's nothing wrong with how you look or act."

"Well I guess that makes you the only one in the world to think that."

"Oh come on, Phil." I say, trying to change his mind. "Everyone at your old school is stupid. They don't realize how amazing you are. And now look what they've done to you. They made you believe all these lies."

"They aren't lies. They're all true and I know it. That's why no one likes me." Phil reasoned. I couldn't take much more of this. What started as a simple question turned into Phil hating on himself.

"Please stop talking so badly about yourself."

"How can I when those people drilled all those things into my head? They called me ugly. They called me stupid. They called me every name in the book, so that's how I see myself now."

"But that's not how you should see yourself, Phil!" I say, starting to get hurt by seeing Phil's pain.

"That's how everyone else sees me!" Phil starts to walk away from me.

"That's not how I see you!" I shout. Phil turns back to me, obviously upset that we're still talking about this.

"How do you see me?" He shouts back.

The only answer I could supply was stepping up to him, closing the space between us, and kissing him. I cup his cheek with my hand and kiss him gently, not wanting to overwhelm him. I can tell how badly he's blushing by the heat radiating off of his face. I can feel myself blushing just as bad, maybe even worse. After a few seconds, I feel him finally start to respond. That's when reality catches up to me. He probably didn't want this like I did. I push him off of me, regretting everything that just happened.

"Dan-"

"Phil, I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen. I-I fucked up." I mumble, my entire body shaking. I grab my backpack and start running off of the stage. I slap my feet against the floor of the auditorium, wanting to get away from here as soon as I can.

"Wait, Dan!" Phil calls after me.

I ignore him and push open the doors, tears blurring my vision. I hear his footsteps trailing behind me, trying to catch up. I bolt into the nearest bathroom and hide in a stall, hoping Phil doesn't come in here.

"Dan?" I hear Phil by the sink. I hold my breath. "Dan, please. I saw you come in here. Please just talk to me." I keep holding my breath, not making a single noise. The bell rings, interrupting the silence. Phil sighs. "Dan, I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine, but listen. I'm not mad or anything. Or whatever you think I am right now. I just want to know why. I'm ready when you want to talk. I have to go or I'll be late. I'll see you later, Dan."

And with that, I heard his footsteps fade away into the distance. I let go the breath I had been holding and wait in the stall until the warning bell rings. I go over to the sink and wash my hands, splashing the cold water on my face. I took deep breaths and exited the bathroom. I got to my seat in the auditorium just as the bell rang.

All I could think about that period was how stupid I had been.

X

When the bell rang at the end of fourth, I stayed in my seat. I had no desire to go see Phil at lunch. I didn't want to face him. I'm too ashamed of myself for that.

"Daniel?" Mrs. Leva asked. I kept staring at the ceiling. "The period is over. Go on to your next class." She said, sweetly.

I sighed in response and reluctantly got up.

"Girl trouble?" She asked.

"Kind of." I said. She's a pretty cool teacher, so I just decide to be honest with her.

"I've been teaching students your ages for a while, I can tell when romance has got someone down. Who is she?"

"It's um..." I rub my eyes, unsure of how to answer. Well she is my favorite teacher, why not just say it? "It's a guy."

"Oh." She said. "Well, I'm sure he'll come around and see what a great young man you are and he'll like you a lot. Now go on to class."

"Thanks." I smile back at her. I didn't really expect her to be accepting.

I turn and walk out of the auditorium, hoping that Phil wasn't there waiting for me. Luckily, he wasn't. As I walked down the hall towards the cafeteria, I spot Phil. My stomach does a flip when I see him. Not a normal stomach flip though. This one is worse because I know that I did something wrong. I was an idiot and kissed him. I can't face him. No way am I going to lunch. I quickly turn and run to the bathroom, hiding in a stall, yet again. Looks like I'll be spending lunch in here. Why am I such a fucking coward? Why can't I just face him? Or better yet, why couldn't I have kept my feelings to myself?

I shortly realize that this is why I never have friends. I fuck everything up. Of course, I would end up liking the one person that cares enough to try and be my friend. And then fuck it up. As per usual. Like everything in my life. Just fuck it up.

I close my eyes and rest my head on the stall door. Fuck up. Big time fuck up.

At this point, I'm glad that lunch is my last class with Phil. I don't think I could last a second in his sight without dying of humiliation.

X

For the rest of the day, Phil was all I could think about. And that kiss. That stupid, stupid kiss. Every minute that went by, I regretted it even more. Every time I saw Phil in the hallway, my face would heat up and I'd feel like passing out. When the final bell rings, I take my time going to my locker, hoping that Phil would leave before I go outside. No such luck. Phil's waiting right outside the school, looking worried. There goes the stomach flip.

"Dan, please talk to me." Phil pleads. I ignore him and keep walking. "Please? I'm not mad or anything. I just really want to talk."

"I really don't want to talk about it." I say to him, not making eye contact.

"Why not? Dan, I-"

"Phil, please. I'm sorry I kissed you. Please just leave it alone."

"But, Dan-"

"I have to go." I walk away before he can make any sort of objection.

The whole way home, I feel as if someone is following me, but whenever I turn around, no one's there. When I got home, I sit in my room with the door locked. I don't come out all night. Not to eat, not to answer the door when some one knocked, not to see my parents, not for anything. I just stay there and ignore the world around me. Even when my phone vibrates with a text from Phil.

"I can't get you out of my head, Dan. Please just talk to me.

-Phil"

I shut my phone off and throw it across the room. Somewhere around midnight, I fall into a deep sleep, dreaming about nothing other than Phil.

**Does it make me a bad person if I say this chapter is my favorite so far? I hope not, because it is. So I don't really have much to say. Thanks for reading, and please review! Thanks! ****See you guys in a few days! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	5. Talking Things Through

** Hey there! So I was going to wait to type this up tomorrow, but you guys deserve it now. So, here it is. I hope you like it! **

I wake up to the obnoxious sound of my alarm. I feel cold sweat on my forehead and my heart beating fast. I slam my hand down to shut off the alarm. I place my pillow over my face and groan. Do I have to go to school? I close my eyes as I remember the perfect dream I had.

Me and Phil, sitting on the floor of my room. He was sitting really close to me. He was practically on my lap. I could feel his body heat on my skin, his arms tightly around my waist. He brought his lips up to my neck and kissed lightly.

"You know, Dan, I really care about you."

"I-I care about you too." I whimper as he bites the sensitive skin.

He trails his kisses up my neck, closer towards my lips. Just as I replay this scene in my head-

"Dan?" My mum calls from out side my door. "Wake up or you'll be late!" I groan in response. She comes in. "Dan, it's time to wake up."

"Can't I just stay home?"

"Now why would you want that?" She sits on my bed.

"I'm sick." She feels my forehead.

"Nice try. Now get dressed or you'll be late."

I get up from my bed and take a quick shower. I change into whatever outfit I pick from my unorganized closet. As I straighten my awful curly hair, I examine my appearance. Boring. Boring brown hair, boring brown eyes, boring hardly tanned skin. Just boring.

I grab my backpack and head out, not even bothering with breakfast. I walk slowly, hoping I'm late so the teacher makes me go to the office and get a detention slip. I don't want to sit next to Phil for an hour. I mean I do, but I... shouldn't.

When I enter the school, I slowly go to my locker and take my time with my books. I walk up the stairs to the third floor, making sure to waste time. When I get to the top, I decide to wait in the bathroom until the bell rings. I turn that way and start walking, when I hear my name.

"Daniel Howell!" Shit. I turn to see Mrs. Williams with crossed arms, as she stares into my soul. "Why don't you take your seat now so you don't have to be late to my class again?"

"Whatever." I mutter under my breath as I walk into the classroom. I look down at the floor when I see Phil sitting at his seat next to mine. I make my way to my seat and slouch in my chair, hoping Phil won't talk to me.

"Hey, Dan." Phil says, nervously. What does he have to be nervous about? I'm the one who should be nervous.

"Hi." I force out.

And that's all that either of us say for the entire period. When the bell rings, I stand up and sling my backpack over my shoulders. I start walking, but get stopped by Phil's hand on my arm. I look up at him.

"Please go to the auditorium third period. I need to talk to you." Phil said, sounding desperate. I would have said no, had he not sounded so hurt. But realizing I did this to him, I had to say yes.

I nodded slightly in response, still unsure if I'd even show up or not. He smiled at me and I give a small smile back. I quickly head out of the room and to my next class.

The whole hour, my heart pounds and I look at the clock every five seconds, dreading the time third period comes. I want to go, but I also don't. I want everything to go back to normal with Phil. Before he knew of my stupid feelings for him. Before I kissed him.

The bell rings, making my headache worse than before. I try to stop shaking as I make my way down to the auditorium, only to find it empty. I take my normal place on stage, but unable to sit still. When the warning bell rings, the door opens. Like always, my stomach flips when I see Phil. He smiles when he sees me. I smile back, nervously.

"Hey." He says as he sits next to me on the edge of the stage.

"Hi." I reply. I play with the sleeves of my hoodie, just needing to occupy my hands. We sit in an awkward silence for a minute or two.

"So, Dan." Phil starts.

"Hm?" I say, too scared to make actual words.

"Are you okay to talk about it?" He asks, I shrug.

"I guess. There's nothing really to talk about. Nothing to say."

"There's plenty to say." Phil said, somehow calm in this situation.

"No there isn't. I kissed you and I've been avoiding you. That's it."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you kiss me? Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I say, just wanting to run away rather than have this conversation.

"Not to me."

"I kissed you because I like you a lot. More than anyone I've ever met. And everything you do makes those feelings grow. I've never liked a girl, or a guy, as much as I like you. It's a strange new feeling to me, and I don't understand it. Honestly, it even scares me a bit. And just the fact that I have the biggest crush on another guy... Well I never really thought I'd turn out like that, you know? I never thought I'd be-" I cut myself off. I take a deep breath and keep going. "I never thought I'd be gay. So, obviously, it was a surprise to me that I felt like this. And I'm pretty sure you could guess why I've been avoiding you."

"No I can't. Why did you hide rather than talk to me?"

"Because I was ashamed. Embarrassed. I knew I shouldn't have done that to my one friend. You weren't supposed to know. Now you'll never look at me the same. You'll look at me as the faggot with a crush on you. I don't want to be seen like that. That's why I hid from you."

"Dan, I would never see you like that." Phil wrapped an arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder, seeking comfort. "You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed of your feelings. You should be okay with whatever you feel."

"I guess." I say, defeated.

"And has it ever occurred to you that maybe I feel the same way?" Phil asks. My heart stops. I jump up to my feet, unsure what to do.

"W-what?" I stutter. Phil stands up and starts pacing.

"I've never really felt that way about anyone before either. Not until I met you. I mean, I guess I always kind of knew I was gay, but when I met you, that made me sure of it. I just decided not to tell you, in case you were a homophobe, or thought it was weird. When you kissed me, I was... Well, I guess I was just kind of confused. I didn't know what to do. I thought maybe you liked me, but I also thought maybe you felt that it was a mistake. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but you wouldn't let me talk. I even went round to your house yesterday, but you didn't answer. I had to make sure that I told you today." He finished off with nervously biting his lip. My head was spinning.

"So... You like me too?" I asked, hopefully.

"Yes, Dan. I like you too. A lot." He smiles, a deep blush covering his cheeks. I smile back at him.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders in a huge hug. He returns the hug by squeezing me around my waist with the same force. I bury my face in his neck, still smiling. I feel him gently kiss the side of my head.

I pull my had back, but stay in our embrace. I quickly move my head forward and kiss him. Right away, he kisses back. I knew that neither of us had kissed before, but we somehow knew what to do. Instinct, I guess. We deepen the kiss, just wanting more of each other. Our heads and lips move together, creating a fast, but steady pace. So there we are, standing on the stage, wrapped up in each others arms, basically making out. Sadly, we need to pull away for air, but stay in our warm, comforting embrace.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly into his neck as I rest my head on his shoulder.

"For what?" He asks as he rubs my back lightly.

"For avoiding you. It was stupid."

"No, I understand. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier how I felt."

"You don't need to be sorry. You didn't do anything." I tell him. "It's okay now." I smile. He smiles back after kissing me quickly.

We then sit on the stage and talk like we used to for the whole period. Well, a little bit differently. I sat with Phil's arms around me, and my head rested on his chest. Every now and then, we'd sneak small kisses or make stupid flirtatious comments. If I saw another couple doing this, I'd probably gag. But since it was me and Phil, I was more than okay with it. When the bell rang, I looked up at Phil, a sad expression playing on my face. I wanted to stay with him, having him hold me. He read my expression clear as day.

"I'll see you next period." He reasoned softly and kissed me.

"I know." I kissed him back. He walked off stage. I followed. "Hey, Phil?"

"Yes, my oh so gorgeous Dan?" He answered. I blushed furiously.

"I um... I was wondering if you'd like to um..." I mentally slap myself for being such a dork. "Will you be my boyfriend?" I looked at the floor, listening to the silence. Suddenly, I felt a gentle hand under my chin, pushing my head up. Then I felt Phil's warm lips on mine.

"It would be my honor, Dan Howell."

Phil stepped away from me as the door to the auditorium opened. Phil's eyes kept looking into mine as he backed away.

"See you in an hour." I said to Phil.

"Bye." He turned and made his way through the doors.

I walked over to my seat and sat down, my ridiculous smile never leaving my face. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I have a boyfriend.

Wow.

X

All period, the only thing on my mind is Phil. It doesn't help that his scent is all over my clothes. I breath in deeply to catch the aroma. I can't pay attention to anything this period. Not Mrs. Leva when she's giving notes, not the other students as they mindlessly chatter around me, not even when the best actress in the class, Mandy, goes up on stage to perform. I should probably pay attention to her and take notes to improve my acting. But I can't seem to focus, or even care right now. Because all I can think of is Phil.

When the bell rings, I jump right up out of my seat and head towards the door.

"Daniel?" Mrs. Leva calls out. Reluctantly, I turn around.

"Yes?" I ask as I approach her.

"You seem much better than you did yesterday."

"Yeah. I am, actually."

"So everything worked out between you and this boy?" She seemed genuinely interested.

"Yeah." I blush, thinking about Phil. "Everything more than worked out."

"That's great!"

"Thanks. I should go. He's probably waiting for-"

"Dan?" I hear Phil's voice from the door. I smile as I hear his footsteps coming closer.

"Oh hey." I say as I grab his hand. Mrs. Leva turns away and smiles, pretending she's not listening.

"I was waiting for you, but you didn't come out, so I decided to see what you were doing."

"Oh sorry. I just had to do something real quick."

"That's okay. Want to go to lunch?"

"Yeah. You go ahead. I'll be there in a sec." I say. He nods in reply before leaving. Mrs. Leva turns back to me.

"You two seem like a very nice couple."

"Thanks. But could you not mention it to anyone? I don't want Phil getting picked on or anything."

"I won't say a word!" She pretends to zip her lips, lock it, and throw away the key. "Now go on. Your boyfriend is waiting!" She winks.

"Thank you!" I call before leaving.

I quickly make my way to the cafeteria, getting into my usual seat across from Phil as the bell rings.

"Hey!" His eyes light up.

"Hi." I say as I pull out my lunch and start eating.

"So was that lady your acting teacher?" Phil asks, eating his own lunch.

"Yeah. Mrs. Leva's pretty cool. She's the only teacher I don't want to murder."

"She seemed pretty cool."

"She is. She gave me advice about you yesterday. She told me that you'd come around and you'd like me." I laugh at how silly, but right she was.

"Well, she's a smart lady then." He winked at me. "So I'm guessing she's accepting of you then?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"Why surprisingly?"

"Because everyone in this school is totally judgmental and rude. I didn't think anyone would be accepting."

"Oh." Phil answers. He looks scared. "S-so no one's accepting?"

"I told you, this place is Hell." He still looks scared. "Phil, what's wrong?"

"I just... My last school was bad enough. I don't need it to happen again."

"I promise you that I won't let that happen. We don't need to tell anyone. We can keep it a secret. I'll protect you."

"Thank you, Dan."

"Anyone who ever wants to hurt you will have to get through me." I tell him. He smiles nervously.

We eat in silence for a few minutes until we're done with our food. As we sit there, I can't help but wonder...What if people do find out? What if they hurt me? Or worse, what if they hurt Phil? I couldn't stand to see him hurt. I won't let anything happen to him.

"Dan? You alright? You look a bit worried." Phil snaps me out of it.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just kind of lost in thought." I rub my eyes. Nervous habit. "Do you want to come to my house after school?" I ask.

"I'd love to."

**Lame ending, I know. Whatthefuckever. (Slides sunglasses on) DEAL WITH IT! Okay yeah so I have nothing to say. Please review! It makes me so happy to hear what you have to say. It also helps me improve the story. So yeah. See you... Saturday? Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	6. I Can't Believe You're Mine

** Hey guys! So pretty much fluff ahead. Yeah I don't know I just wanted to write something cute. I was in a fluff mood. Enjoy!**

As Phil and I walked down my street, I feel Phil's arm around my waist. I smile to myself and shiver at his touch. Coming closer to my house, I see my empty driveway. Our always empty driveway. Since no one is home, that means I can do what I want. Sometimes, even when you're a carefree teenager, it gets pretty boring. And let me tell you, I'd have bored myself to death by now if it hadn't been for Phil. Phil's been keeping me sane by coming over to my house almost everyday. Thank god for that. As I walk up to the front door, I stop and internally facepalm.

"Shit." I mutter.

"What?" Phil asks, letting go of my waist.

"This morning, since I was kind of nervous to go to school, I guess I forgot my key."

"Don't you have a spare anywhere?" Phil asks. "We keep a spare under our mat."

"No, but now that seems like a good idea." I look around the house. The garage door is always locked. "Looks like I'm going to have to go through a window." The only windows we have that I can reach are around in the back of the house.

"Okay, just don't get hurt."

"I'll be fine." I say as I make my way to the fence to our backyard. I've never been good at hoping fences, so as I make my way over, I lose my balance and fall on my face.

"Dan? You okay?" Phil said, suppressing laughter.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just stay over there."

I walk over to a window that I can reach and slide is open. I go in feet first and land loudly on the floor, losing my balance yet again. I stand up, groaning in pain. I get to the front door and let Phil in.

"You know, even after falling on the grass, you still look adorable." Phil smiles at me and all I can do is smile back. I grab his hand and take him up to my room. As he sits on my bed, I look down and notice all the dirt I got on my shirt. I grab a shirt from my closet and pull off the one I'm wearing. "That's attractive." Phil comments. I laugh and turn to him.

"You know it is!" I joke. I pull on my shirt and lay down on my bed next to him. Phil and I sit there on our sides, examining each others eyes. He pulls me closer by wrapping an arm around my waist. My heart pounds as our chests press together.

"I can feel your heartbeat." Phil says, his voice soft. "It's beating fast."

"That always happens when I see you." Phil blushes at my confession.

"Mine does that too when I see you."

"I can't feel it."

Phil takes my hand in his and presses it lightly against his chest. My cheeks burn from the slightly intimate contact. Sure enough, his heart is pounding in his chest.

"Feel it now?"

"Yeah. I do."

Phil cautiously presses his lips to mine, kissing me softly. I kiss back, my mouth moving along with his smoothly. My hand moves from his chest and relocates to his back. He pulls away for a second, only to kiss back with even more force. Suddenly, I feel his tongue enter my mouth. My heart speeds up somehow faster than it was beating before. This was a brand new experience to me. I had never kissed anyone like _this_ before. I like it. As he explores my mouth with his tongue, I notice a warm, fuzzy, tingly feeling inside of me.

This is actually happening. I'm actually kissing a guy that I like. And he actually likes me back. And he's actually my boyfriend.

Gradually, we slow down the kiss from a complete and utter make out session to a sweet and simple kiss. When our lips finally pull apart, I open my eyes. The first thing I see are his electric blue eyes. The electric blue that I could never take my eyes off of. I wrap my arms around Phil and cuddle him.

"You're so perfect." Phil remarks. I look down.

"Am not."

"Yes, you are. And I don't want to hear otherwise."

We lie there for a few minutes, just holding on to each other. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. We are soon interrupted by the loud growling of my stomach. I check the time on my phone. 5:48.

"Food?" Phil asks.

"Yeah I'm starving. Pizza?" I offer. Phil crinkles his nose.

"We always get pizza. Let's make something."

"I don't know how to cook."

"But I do, remember?" Phil asks. Now that I think about it, I do remember him offering to teach me how to cook. "I could teach you."

"That sounds like a brilliant idea."

An hour later, we're left with a fairly clean kitchen, which was surprisingly not in flames, and two full stomachs. Phil tried to teach me how to make stir fry, but it really just ended in him doing all the work and me watching him and distracting him.

Now we're back in my room, selecting a video game to play. It seems that's what we do the most together. Eat and play video games. I like doing such casual things with Phil. It doesn't make me as nervous as it would if we did more serious romantic things.

I let Phil pick out a game to play, as I just want to watch for now. He picks Crash Bandicoot and sits on my bed, controller in hand. Phil plays as we sit in silence for a bit. I take this time to relive through today. How did I manage to get Phil to be my boyfriend again? Well, whatever I did, I'm glad I did it.

"Have you ever liked a guy before?" Phil asks randomly.

"I already told you."

"No, you said you've never liked anyone _as much_ as me. I just want to know if you've ever liked a guy at all." Phil clarifies. I don't know how to answer. Have I? Has he?

"I don't know. I've never really been close enough to someone to like them. Not girls, not guys. Well, except you." I bit my lip and wrap my arm around his waist as he keeps playing the video game. "You're just special." Phil rested his head on my shoulder and lightly kissed my neck.

"You know, you're pretty special too."

The video game was totally forgotten and Phil and I sat there with my arm around him, and his head resting on my shoulder. I pulled him in as close as he could get. Phil's light breath tickled my neck. I laughed and kissed the side of his head that I could reach. Then, sadly interrupting the moment, my door opened. I quickly pulled away from Phil and he took his head off my shoulder.

"Dan, I'm home." Mum peaks her head in the door. "Oh hello, Phil."

"Hi." Phil smiles. God he's cute.

"Dan, I've had a long day, so I'm going up to bed. Try not to be too loud."

"Okay. Night." I say as she closes my door. I cuddle up to Phil again, missing his closeness.

"Dan, I should probably go soon. It's almost 10." Phil says, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"No." I groan. "Don't leave me." Phil laughs in response.

"Dan, I have to. It's a school night. We'll do this again tomorrow."

"Fine." I fake pout. Phil pecks my lips to cheer me up. It works. "Come on. I'll drive you."

When we stand up, Phil pulls me into a hug. I hug back.

"I can't believe you're mine." Phil whispers, almost as if he didn't want me to hear.

"Believe it." I whisper back. I give him a swift kiss and grab his hand, leading us downstairs and out to the car.

The whole ride to Phil's house, I keep one hand on the wheel and one hand in his. His thumb runs gently across the back of my hand the whole way there, telling me he's still paying attention to me, even though I'm not saying or doing anything.

When I pull up to his driveway, I lean in to give him a kiss. Neither of us want to pull away, and it turns into a pretty long kiss. It seems that since we've never kissed anyone before, it's all we want to do and we can't get enough of it. Eventually, we pull away.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Phil says, grabbing his backpack and opening the door.

"Tomorrow." I repeat.

I kiss him one last time before he exits the car. Once he's in his house, I pull out of the driveway and make my way home, cherishing the smell of Phil still in the car.

**Well, there was my little fluffy chapter! It was hardly fluff I guess, but I was just in such a cute little fluffy mood! Yay! So,yeah! Please review, even if it's only like one word. It means so much to hear what you guys think. Stay wonderful! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	7. Caught In The Act

**Hey guys! So, once again, I don't have much to say. Um yeah. So... Enjoy.**

Today marks the day that Phil and I have been dating for three weeks. Being in a relationship is still new to the both of us, but we're getting used to it. We just feel so comfortable around each other, that a relationship just seemed so natural. And everyday, it gets better. Everyday, we get more comfortable. Everyday, we spend all our time together. It's more than I could ever ask for. He's an amazing friend and a perfect boyfriend. It's weird that we've been together for three weeks. Feels like a day.

As I sit here in first period, I can't help but tune out everything Mrs. Williams says. Every so often, I sneak glances at Phil, who is taking notes on the lecture. His concentration face is so adorable.

"Daniel Howell!" I snap my head forward.

"Yes, Mrs. Williams?" I answer. She gets all annoyed and butt-hurt when you don't use her name when talking to her.

"Please tell me what is so fascinating about Philip that you have to keep on looking back over at him." She says, rudely. I blush at the fact that I got caught staring at Phil. I notice Phil blush slightly, too. I also see that little smirk on his face as he looks down at his desk.

"Oh uh sorry. I was looking at his notes to see what he was writing. I was a bit behind on what you were saying, so I was just catching up." I smile slightly as she grunts in response and continues her lecture.

I pay attention to the rest of the lecture and take notes until the bell rings. As everyone distracts themselves with packing their bags, Phil nudges me and smiles.

"I know it's hard, but you need to control your staring." He whispers. I laugh to myself.

We walk side by side to our second period classes. We walk into our separate rooms, absolutely dreading this class. I go about my usual business in the class until about half hour through. Through the open door, I see Phil exit his classroom and run in to the hall, looking frantic. I raise my hand.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I ask.

"Yeah, go ahead." My teacher said, not really caring.

I shot straight up and grabbed my backpack, just in case Phil wanted to skip second if he wasn't feeling well. I ran down the hall, looking for Phil. I go into the bathroom, hoping that's where he went. When I got in, I saw Phil by the sinks, splashing water on his face. When he noticed someone was in here with him, he tensed up. He looked over and saw it was me. His look softened when he looked into my eyes. He walked up to me and threw his arms around my neck, pulling me in a hug. I put my arms around his waist, surprised at how he was acting. He wasn't crying, but his breath was heavy and he seemed to be panicking.

"What's wrong? What happened?" I ask, generally concerned and really confused. When I ask, his breathing got faster and he tensed up again. "Phil, calm down." I say, gently. "Everything's fine. Just please calm down." In a minute, Phil's breathing gets back to normal.

"Do you know Tony?" Phil asks, quietly.

Ugh. Of course. That dick. I swear if he did something to hurt Phil, I'll kill him.

"Yeah I know that douche. Why?"

"I don't want to repeat everything he said, but let's just say he doesn't like me."

"Oh Phil." I put a hand on his cheek. "What did he say?"

"I don't want to tell you. It hurts to think about it, let alone repeat it."

"How long has he been doing this?" I ask. Phil stays silent. "Phil, tell me."

"Since my first day."

"Phil, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Phil. Just ignore him and tell me if it gets bad. I'm not letting this school become like your last one."

"Okay. Thank you, Dan."

I nod and smile in response. Phil still looked upset and unconvinced, so I leaned in to kiss him. He gave in and kissed me back. And then, just as quickly as I felt better, I felt like vomiting.

"Oh my god!" I hear from behind me. I pulled away from Phil, who looked as sick as I felt. "Fucking faggots!" I turn around.

Oh god.

Tony.

He stepped towards us, a menacing look on his face. He cracked his knuckles as he took another step forward. I threw a protective arm over Phil, pushing him slightly behind me.

"Looks like I got myself two new punching bags." Tony says before swinging a fist at my face. I hear a crack in my jaw.

"Phil, go." I say.

"Dan-"

"Go home, go to class, I don't care, just go!"

Phil considers this for a second before running out of the bathroom. Tony surprisingly lets him past, not really caring about Phil, just wanting someone to beat up.

"Aw how cute." Tony says in a mocking tone. "Protecting your little boyfriend. Now I can give you your beating _and_ his."

"Whatever. Hurt me as much as you want. Just stay the fuck away from Phil."

"Yeah, no promises."

Tony then proceeds to hurt me in any way that he can. Hitting, punching, kicking, yelling. Any way you can hurt someone, he's doing it. I smell blood and can hardly feel my body anymore. He laughs loudly and gives a final punch to my head before leaving. I sink down to the floor and close my eyes. So this is what Phil felt everyday at his old school. This is what Phil had to go through. This is hell. No way am I letting Phil go through it again. I don't care how bad it gets for me, I'm keeping my promise to him. Before I know it, I'm unconscious on the floor of the bathroom.

I hear a loud, high pitched noise ringing through my ears. What is that? I sit up and open my eyes. Only then do I recognize it as the bell. I pull out my phone and check the time to see which bell that was. End of second period. I groan and grab my backpack, getting up off the floor. I hope Phil's in the auditorium. I really need to see him right now.

As I walk, I feel intense pain shoot throughout my body. I limp down the hallway, not caring about how I feel or how I look. I don't even care enough to go to the nurse. I just want to see Phil. That will make it better.

As I open the door to the auditorium, I see Phil standing on stage, pacing back and fourth. When he looks over at me, he looks more upset than I've ever seen him. He runs off stage and comes over to me, pulling me in a soft hug. I wince, but I don't let him let me go. I want to be in his arms right now. I need to.

"Oh my god, Dan." Phil whispers as he kisses any part of me that he can reach as we're in this embrace. "How bad is it?"

"It feels pretty bad." I tell him honestly.

"I'm so sorry this all happened. I shouldn't have left."

"No, Phil. I told you to leave. I didn't want this happening to you too. Remember my promise?"

"That's a stupid promise to me if it means you get hurt."

"It's a good promise to me if it means you don't." Phil and I silently hug for a few minutes.

"Let's go clean you up." Phil suggests.

We walk slowly to the bathroom, listening to my occasional groans of pain. When we get there, Phil wets some paper towels with cold water as I look in the mirror. My face isn't that bad. Just a cut lip and really messy hair. It's probably worse on my body, considering that's where Tony particularly liked to aim. When I look down, I see a small blood stain on my shirt. Great.

Phil starts to dab at the gash on my lip, soaking up all the blood that he can. I wince at the pressure he puts on it.

"Sorry." He mumbles.

When he finishes with that, I lift up my shirt. There are already bruises forming up and down my ribcage. There's an open bloody scratch where one of his rings must have hit me. Phil starts to wipe off my chest until it stops bleeding. When it does, I pull my shirt back down and thank him quietly. Phil and I walk back to the auditorium, and when we get there, I collapse on the stage, finally letting myself relax. Phil lies beside me and grabs my hand, obviously unsure if he should or not. I pull his arm around me and snuggle into him.

"Thanks." I say to Phil. "For cleaning me up."

"I should be thanking you."

"Why?"

"Well, for one, you saved my ass from getting beat. If you didn't do that, we'd both be in pain."

"I guess you're right. But it's because I'm not letting all this happen to you again, remember? I care about you and I don't want to see you hurt."

Phil and I both stay quiet after that, unsure of what to do. All I can think about is how fast this will all travel around school. Everyone will know we're together. Everyone will know we're gay. Everyone will know, well, _everything_. I don't think I'm ready for people to know who I am, but I know it's going to happen whether I like it or not.

And the answer is certainly not.

**I'm really scared of posting this chapter. I feel like some of you are going to leave since they got hurt. Please don't leave, I swear it will all be okay! Please! Also, should out to kettlemaniac for leaving me a review that made me laugh...for hours. I'm not joking. Another shout out to DovahFinn for giving me like a million reviews at once. I was going to shout out to her last chapter, but totally forgot. Maybe I'll make this a thing. Shout outs every chapter. Hm. Well, please review and I'll see you in two days! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	8. Just Trying To Protect You

**Hey guys! So, Happy Fourth Of July!... Even thought that's tomorrow. Oh well. 'Murica fuck yeah! So... Thanks so much for sticking with this story. I was so worried that you guys would leave. Thanks so much. Enjoy! **

I wake up in the morning, absolutely dreading going to school. Everyone probably knows by now. Tony is really popular and I know he can spread gossip fast. Especially about two gay guys in a severely homophobic school.

Maybe no one believes it.

Maybe no one cares.

Maybe no one knows who we are, so they won't give us a hard time.

Yeah, right.

After going through my normal morning routine, I trudge through my front door and get on my way to hell. Or school. I really could never tell the difference anyways.

When I approach the school, I walk past the groups of people that usually hang out outside of the school in the mornings. Thankfully, I don't see Tony. But judging by the looks that people are giving me, I'm guessing Tony already told them about me and Phil. Great. Now I'm unwillingly out to my whole school. And so is Phil. I hope Phil's okay. I mean, he's relatively new here, so maybe no one really knows him enough to give him a hard time. Me, on the other hand, I've been going to school with these people for years. Some even since I was five. And Tony was one of those people.

I push open the doors and feel what little confidence I've ever had just shrivel up and die. Now, not only will I not have friends, but everyone will hate me. God, this is all my fault.

As I enter the school, nothing really happens to me. I expected some hateful glares, or name calling, or to be immediately beat up, but there was nothing. That is until I noticed the giant crowd of people across the cafeteria. People were screaming and cheering, trying to see everything that was happening.

Usually, I'm not very interested in seeing the fights at school. They're always between two annoying chavs about something stupid. This crowd of people, however, was the biggest crowd I've seen for a fight yet, so naturally, it catches my interest and I walk towards it. I soon realize that there's no way I'd ever see over all these people, so I turn and start to walk away. I'll probably hear all about it later anyways. As I walk away, I hear a kid shout into the crowd.

"Give the faggot what he deserves!"

I stop and turn around, realization hitting me like a brick.

Phil's in there.

I don't know how, but I gather up all of the strength that I have, and start shoving through the crowd, yelling at people to move. Slowly, I get closer and closer to the center. Over everyone's cheers, I can hear Tony spitting out insults and laughing after each one. Finally, I make it to the middle and I see Phil pushed up against a wall. He's being held by the two idiots, Mac and Charlie, while Tony beats on him.

"Hey Tony. Look what we got over here." Mac says, nodding my way. Tony turns around and smiles, ready to attack.

"Well well well." Tony starts. "If it isn't the other little-"

I punched him.

Square in the nose.

Everyone turned dead silent as Tony stumbled back. Mac and Charlie dropped Phil out of shock.

"Phil, run!" I shout. Just I shout, the cheers are back on.

Phil runs past the people, who try to push him back in, but he finally gets past. Looks like I'm getting beat up again. Not that I mind much. As long as it's not Phil, I don't care. That's why I'm getting beat up for him again. That's why I keep telling him to run. Because he shouldn't be hurt. He doesn't deserve it. And, in a way, I do. I deserve it for accidentally outing us. I kissed him in the bathroom. Someone was bound to walk in. It just so happened to be Tony. So, not only am I saving Phil from getting hurt, but I'm also giving myself what I deserve for doing this to Phil.

Suddenly, Tony charges at me and slams me into the wall. The same wall Phil was against just moments ago. Tony punches me in the nose multiple times as he shouts at me. I can't tell what he's saying though. The ringing in my ears is too loud to hear him. Tony forcefully brings his knee up to my stomach and I hunch over in pain, gasping for air. He keeps beating on me mercilessly for probably about five minutes. He finally gets bored at my lack of response, so he drops me on the floor and just walks off casually. The crowd disperses and no one checks to see if I'm okay.

In my, once again, half conscious state, I stay on the floor, leaning against the wall. I'm so out of it, I can hardly hear the bell ring, signaling the start of first period. The adrenaline is starting to wear off, so now I can feel the pain. My nose hurts the most, followed by my stomach. My nose throbs and is gushing blood. My stomach makes me feel as if I'm about to vomit, which is just what I do. My stomach hurts even worse with every heave as I get sick on the floor. When I'm done, I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and a hear soft voice in my ear.

"Come on, Dan. Everything's okay." It sounds a lot like Phil. I'm pretty sure it is, considering no one else would ever think of helping me right now.

He carefully helps me up and slings my arm around his shoulders. He supports most of my weight as we start heading towards the bathroom.

"Phil." I manage to say. "Nurse." I whisper.

Phil walked us to the nurse and sat us down on the examination bed. I grabbed his hand and he soothingly rubbed my back with his free hand. No need hiding our relationship now that everyone knows about it. Phil takes a tissue and dabs at my nose lightly. I finch when he puts pressure on it.

"Sorry." He mumbles.

I look up and see his face for the first time since I told him to run. His nose was also bleeding, but not as bad as mine. His hair was pretty messed up and his expression read of concentration and worry.

"I'm sorry this is happening." I say when I'm finally able to form complete sentences. I still feel a bit dizzy and out of it though.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Phil replies. "But I feel really bad that you got beat up over me twice."

"I don't want you hurt. Why else do you think I keep making you leave?"

"I guess." Phil said, defeated.

Just then, the nurse, Mrs. Mandel, came up to us. She wasn't the stereotypical school nurse. She was fairly young and pretty. I've only come to the nurse's office once, but from what I remember, she's nice.

"Oh goodness." She says. "What happened?"

"Um there was a fight and we got caught up in it." Phil said, not wanting to say that we got beat up.

"Oh I see." She looked at our entwined hands. "Are you two together?"

"Yeah." I answered, quietly.

She nods and starts cleaning Phil's nose.

"It gets better. I know from personal experience." She smiles. I look at her quizzically. "My girlfriend and I got bullied a lot in school. We got through it though. We're married now and have been for five years."

"That's great." Phil said, liking the fact that there was a happy story for him to hear.

Mrs. Mandel finished up Phil's nose, making sure it was fine.

"Your nose is okay, so you could probably head back to class." She says to Phil. "However, you can just stay down here for the rest of the period and it'll be our little secret." She smiles.

"Thank you." Phil smiles back.

She then starts cleaning up my nose and presses on it, making me wince at the pain.

"You're lucky." She says, looking at my nose and handing me an ice pack that I right away press to my nose. "One more hit and your nose would be broken for sure."

"Also, I got it pretty bad on my ribs. Could you take a look and make sure nothing's broken?" I ask, genuinely worried that I cracked a rib.

"Sure. Lay down."

I do as I'm told and lay down. Phil takes the seat next to the bed, making sure that my hand doesn't leave his. Mrs. Mandel lifts up my shirt and examines my ribcage. She presses down at certain areas, making me cringe.

"Well, nothing's broken, but you're going to be really sore. You already have a fair amount of bruising and you're bleeding a bit."

She gets some wipes and cleans off the blood. I look up at Phil to see him looking at my chest with a sad expression on his face. When he sees me looking at him, he gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen. He gently kisses my hand and I blush. Mrs. Mandel puts on a bandage after the wound is clean. I hand her the ice pack as she stands up.

"There. All done. Now, you two can just relax for the period. I'll send a message up to your teachers. Who do you have?"

"We both have Mrs. Williams." I answer.

"Okay. I'll be in my office if you need anything."

"Thank you." Phil and I say in unison.

For the first few minutes, neither of us say anything. I lay there with my eyes closed and my hand in Phil's. I feel the need to be closer to him, so I sit up and pat the space beside me. Phil sits next to me and puts an arm around my waist, bringing me closer. I rest my head on his shoulder and put my hand on his thigh, drumming my fingers in a steady rhythm.

"You don't need to keep doing that for me, Dan." Phil says, not giving up his argument. "You know, getting hurt."

"Phil, why won't you listen to me? I'm just trying to protect you."

"You don't need to."

"Yes I do. I promised I would. I can't stand to see you hurt. And I don't want this school to become like your last."

"It'll be like that wherever I go. You don't need to get hurt too."

"Phil, if you haven't realized already, you and I are a couple. A duo. A team. You and I are in this shit together. And I'll be damned if I leave you alone in this mess."

To this, Phil hugs me tighter and plants a kiss on my lips. The kiss doesn't last very long, considering we're in a nurse's office, but I could still feel all the meaning behind that short action.

"I wish I could just show you how much that means to me." Phil says, hugging me once more. "No one has ever stuck with me. No one I've ever met would even think about getting hurt for me. Anyone else would just leave me on my own, not trying to protect me."

"I care about you more than anyone else has. I'd do anything for you."

We sat there, embracing on the examination bed, sneaking kisses every so often. When the bell rang a while later, Phil looked absolutely terrified. After we stood up, I grabbed his hands and looked him in the eyes.

"Phil, if anyone says anything to you, just ignore them. They won't do anything physical since there's a teacher in the room. If you really need me, text me. When the bell rings, I'll be waiting for you right outside of your classroom, making sure you don't get hurt."

"Okay." Phil nods, his hair flopping in front of his eyes slightly.

"Oh, and Phil?"

"Hm?" He mumbles. I peck his pink lips quickly.

"You look beautiful today."

**I can't tell if I like this chapter or not. Eh. Shout outs go to Dansmoshyfan for being the 69****th**** comment. I feel like that says a lot, considering you can be very inappropriate. So yay for you! Also, shout out to ImaginativeDramasaur for being Mrs. Mandel, the lesbian nurse. But in real life, she's not actually a lesbian... Also FUN FACT: Dan threw up in chapter eight of the True Meaning Of A Friend and chapter eight of this. I did not plan that. Then again, why would I?Okay. New chapter in two days. Have a good Fourth Of July if you celebrate it! If you don't, have a wonderful Thursday! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	9. Lies And Truths

**Hey! Um I don't have anything to say. Except PHIL TWEETED MY ON THE FOURTH OF JULY ABOUT CHEESE AND I ALMOST CRIED IN PUBLIC AND I GOT MANY STARES FROM PEOPLE. Okay.**

I sit on my bed later that night, alone. I wish more than anything that Phil could be sitting with me right now. He couldn't come over today because his mum needed him to be home to help her with something. I wasn't really paying attention enough to know what Phil said. I was too busy deciding if I felt more sorry for Phil or myself. I felt sorry for Phil because he had been through this before and none of it was his fault. I felt sorry for myself because of, well, the obvious reasons. In the end, I decided that I'm not worth enough to feel sorry for myself and that Phil probably doesn't want his boyfriend's pity. So I just left it at that.

In my head, all I can see is Phil. Phil's face when Tony was beating him up. Phil's face when I told him to run. Phil's face when he saw how badly I was hurt. I want to fix that. I want Phil to have no worries about anything. I want Phil to get far away from here. I want Phil to be okay with the fact that I want to protect him. That I _will_ protect him, no matter what. But, as much as I don't want him to be hurt, he doesn't want me to be hurt. But I'd much rather have it be me than him.

As I think about all of this, I sigh and lay back on my bed, curling up in a ball, willing for everything to just... Stop. It has only been a day, and I'm sick of everything already. The name calling, the taunting, the beating, the judgmental stares. All of it. But if that's the price I have to pay to stay together with Phil, then so be it.

Just as I pick up my phone to text Phil, I get interrupted by a knock on my door. The door opens slowly, revealing my mum.

"Mum? Why are you home?" I ask, starting to sit up. I then remember the black eye that Tony gave me, so I lay back down, praying she won't see it.

"It's almost 10:30." She says, stepping inside, closing my door. I look at my alarm clock and see that she's right. I've spent my whole afternoon thinking about school. I turn on my side so she can't see me.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I lie. Why did she have to choose today to talk to me?

"Okay. Just making sure. How was your day?"

"Fine." Shitty. "How was yours?"

"Good." Awkward silence. "Honey, why won't you look at me?"

"I uh-"

"Is something wrong?"

"No." Another lie.

"Honey, look at me." Slowly, I sit up and turn around. She gasps and makes her way to my bed from her spot at the door.

"Mum, don't freak out."

"Of course I'm going to freak out! Who did this?" She demands.

"It's no big deal."

"Answer me, Daniel! Who did this?" I nod and she sits down on my bed next to me.

"Okay, okay! Just let me talk."

"I'm listening." She says, no longer angry, but anxious and upset.

"So there's this guy at school who's mean to everyone. He's just big and tough and rude." Before I know it, lies are spilling out of my mouth so I won't worry her. "It's not like he targets me, he just got like really mad today and I was in the way, so he punched me. It's nothing serious, I swear." Man, I'm on fire with these lies today.

"So this has never happened before?"

"No." Yes.

"And you're certain this will never happen again?"

"Yes." No.

"Okay. But I'm calling the school and having theme expel this kid!"

"No, mum. Please don't." I beg. Even if they expel Tony, Phil and I would still get ridiculed. Not only would we be the faggots, but we'd be those pricks who told on Tony as if we were still five years old. No thanks. Mum hesitates for a second, seeming to understand.

"Okay." She says, reluctantly. She hugs me and I hug her back. "I love you."

"I love you, too, mum." We pull away and I make a big decision in the matter of two seconds. "Mum, while I've got you in a somewhat good mood and as I'm telling you all these things, there's something else I might as well tell you."

"Oh you've got me all nervous now." She laughs, trying to ease the tension.

"No, no it's not bad, just... Important. So, you know my friend Phil, right?"

"Yes. The lovely young lad. I do wish you had more friends like that, sweetheart."

"Well, see that's the thing. Phil isn't exactly my friend, mum." I shift uncomfortably. "Phil's my boyfriend."

"Oh. Wow. I certainly didn't expect you to say that, Dan. I-I just had no idea!"

"Yeah I didn't either." I choke out, nervously. "So...?"

"It's great, Dan! I'm glad that Phil makes you so happy."

"Really?"

"Yes, really! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"So you're not mad or anything?" I confirm.

"Mad? Oh honey, I'm not mad! I-" At that moment, something clicks in her head. "Oh, Dan. Don't tell me that boy hit you because of you and Phil!"

"Mum-"

"Don't you dare lie to me!"

"Okay! Yes, he did. I'm sorry." I look down. Mum stands up, starting to get angry.

"You are _not_ going back to that school!" She yells.

"What?" I yell back. "Mum, I have to! I can't just leave Phil like that!" I stand up to meet her stare

"You can still see him, just not at school."

"No, you don't understand. If I leave, I can't protect Phil. They'll hurt him!"

"But, Dan-"

"Can't you see how much I care for him?" Tears start silently leaking from my eyes.

"I can, but-"

"Then you understand why I can't leave him."

"Dan, I don't want you to keep getting hurt!"

"I don't want Phil to keep getting hurt, either!"

"Dan, Phil isn't worth getting hurt over."

"Phil is worth _everything_ to me!" I scream louder than either of us have screamed yet. We both stay silent for a minute, unsure of what to say or do. My mum sniffles, breaking the silence.

"Dan-"

"I'm not leaving that school." I say, calmer than before. "I'm not letting Phil get hurt. I promised him I'd be there for him and protect him."

"I just don't want this happening to you."

"It won't happen again. And I'll tell you if it does. Please just don't make me leave him. Please?" I plead. She thinks for a minute, examining my eyes, which are begging more than I am.

"If you ever come home with a black eye again, you're never seeing the inside of that school again."

"So I can stay with Phil?"

"As long as no one hurts you. I can see how much Phil means to you."

"Thank you, mum." I hug her. She kisses my head and wipes her eyes.

"Well, I'm going to go up to bed. Do you want to tell your father?"

"About my black eye? No thanks."

"No, silly. I meant about Phil." She smiles softly.

"Oh. Um not really. Telling you was hard enough."

"If you want, I could always talk to him. That would be easier on you. Then you could talk to him more about it later."

"Yeah. Thanks, mum." I say as she leaves my room.

As she closes the door, I fall back on my bed and sigh, content. I just came out to my mum. And she's okay with it. What will dad think? Or my brother? Surely, he must have heard something. He goes to the same school I do. They'll both find out soon enough anyways. I take out my phone and ring Phil. Hopefully, he's still awake.

"Hello?" I hear a groggy Phil.

"Did I wake you up?" I ask, feeling bad.

"Yeah, but I don't mind. I love hearing your voice." He giggles.

"You're so cute when you're tired."

"You're cute all the time." Phil retaliates. I laugh.

"So I kind of just told my mum about us. You know, that you and I are together."

"Oh. How did she take that?"

"She was fine with it. She really likes you, so she was actually pretty happy." I leave out the other half of the conversation.

"That's great! What about the rest of your family?"

"I'm sure they'll find out pretty soon."

"I should probably tell my mum and dad soon." Phil says, a yawn escaping from his lips.

"No rush. Whenever you need to." I tell him.

"Thanks. That means more than you'd think."

"You're welcome."

"I'm going to go back to bed before I pass out." He yawns again. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight to the most beautiful person on the planet." I say, hearing the smile in my own voice. Phil giggles and mumbles another goodbye before hanging up.

I get up from my bed and make my way to the bathroom. As I open my door, I am greeted by a falling teenaged boy. My brother, Adrian. I push his off of me and we both stand up. We lock eyes before he tries to run away to his room. I grab his arm before he could go anywhere.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice stern.

"Nothing." He says, although it's clear that he was eavesdropping. I push him against the wall, trapping him.

"How much did you hear?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"A- a lot." He stutters. "Who were you talking to?"

"None of your business."

"Who?"

"No one."

"Obviously someone." He says, not dropping the subject.

"My friend, Phil." I say, letting go of him.

"Wait, so the rumors are true?" He asks, surprised.

"Shut the fuck up." I growl, not wanting him to be part of this, even though he should probably know.

"I heard the rumors, I just didn't believe them. So are you actually dating Phil?" Adrian asked, following close behind me.

"I said shut the fuck up." I push him away from me and walk off to the bathroom.

When I finish in there, I go back to my room, take off my shirt, and put on pajama bottoms. I lay down in bed, thinking about my family. Mum's okay with it, I didn't even give Adrian the chance to express any sort of opinion, and I have no idea about dad.

I close my eyes, just wanting to forget the world around me and wanting to see Phil. Seeing Phil meant going to school though. But, like I told mum, Phil's worth all of the pain I go through.

**So yeah. Dan's mum knows now yay! I hope you guys liked it! Now, in your review (that I hope you write), I want you to tell me two things.**

** One, what you thought of this chapter.**

** And two, a book that you think I should read. I'm looking to make a reading list and I'll take as many as you give me.**

** Thanks for reading! Oh, I almost forgot! Shout out goes to PhanJovie for being a really dedicated reader. So thank you for that, Jovie! Well, I'll see you in two days! Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	10. Date Night!

** Hey guys! So, once again, I don't have much to say. Um... Enjoy.**

The final bell rings and I hop right out of my seat, glad that it's finally the weekend. And I do mean it when I say 'finally'. This week has been dragging on and on forever. It's mostly because of Tony and everyone else. Since they all make my life a living Hell, they make the day seem longer. And it sucks.

Today, however, wasn't too bad. Why, you might ask? Well, Phil and I managed to dodge Tony today. How? Beats me. We just didn't happen to run into him, so that made our day somewhat easier. I mean, everyone else still throws insults, glares at us, or makes jokes, but it's still better than Tony pounding on us.

Another reason why today just so happens to be a good day is that Phil and I are having a date night at his house. That's right, we are one of those couples that _actually _has date night. Yeah, judge us. It was Phil's idea, and it just so happens that I can't say no to him. Also, he really deserves some time to just relax and take a break from all this shit. And alone time with him sounds wonderful anyways. Just me and Phil, watching movies at his house, snuggling into each other, doing cheesy romantic stuff. Hell, we both deserve this!

When I get out of the school to meet with Phil, I see he's already there. He's turned away from me and hasn't seen me yet, so I walk up behind him and put a gentle arm around his shoulders. He smiles as he turns around and kisses me lightly. I take his hand in mine and we start walking.

"So, do you have everything you need?" Phil asked, making sure we don't need to stop at my house.

"Yeah. I put everything in my backpack this morning." I answer. He nods and we keep walking. We only walk about ten seconds when we hear a rough voice emitting from behind us.

"Oi! Queers!" Why if it isn't our good friend Tony. I roll my eyes and keep walking. Phil squeezes my hand.

"Just ignore him." I whisper. Phil nods and we keep walking. I hear heavy footsteps rapidly approaching.

"Hey, faggots! I'm talking to you!"

Phil and I continue our walk and ignore plan, until Tony places a hand on Phil's shoulder, spinning him around. I turn and push Tony away from us.

"Don't fucking touch him!" I growl in his face. Tony smirks, liking the reaction he's getting.

"Or what? You'll hit me?"

"Keep talking and I might." I warn. I gently push Phil behind me, not wanting him involved.

"Oh I'm so scared." Tony laughs as he pushes me back slightly. Man, he really knows how to make my blood boil.

I, not wanting to throw the first punch, give him a death glare and turn around. I put an arm around Phil and we start walking away. I can't even get two feet away until Tony starts up again.

"Yeah, that's right. Walk away like the pussy you are. You and your ugly little boyfriend"

I stop in my tracks and clench my fists. Normally, I probably _would_ just walk away. But for some reason, this situation was different. Very different. Probably because not only did he insult me, but he insulted Phil. And if I just let that go, I'll never let myself live it down.

"Dan, don't." Phil pleads in a whisper.

I ignore Phil and turn towards Tony, taking a step forward. Before I can even say anything, Tony punches me right in the gut. I loose my cool and punch him back, aiming for his face. Tony stumbles, but quickly regains himself. Somehow, I find enough strength in myself to charge at him and push him against the wall. I hear a crack from his body and an angry swear from his mouth. I punch him in the stomach and watch him as he groans in pain.

Tony lifts his fist in the air and connects it with my jaw. He manages to then free himself from my grasp and switch our places. Now I'm against the wall and he's pinning me to it. I catch a glimpse of Phil, who looks quite terrified.

I look back over at Tony to see, once again, his fist raised high in the air. To try and stop him from hitting me again, I do the only thing I can think of.

As fast and as hard as I can, I kick my foot up into his crotch. His mouth hangs open and his hands go directly to where I kicked him. His face twists into a look of pain and goes bright red and he sinks to his knees. I take this as my only opportunity to get away from him, and grab Phil.

"Come on. Let's go." I say before we start running down the street.

We run until we think we're a safe distance away from the school. I look back to make sure that no one's following us. Phil's house is about a mile and a half away from the school, and we just ran most of that, hoping to get away. Phil and I slow down to a walk and grab each other by the hand. Only when we are both breathing normally do we talk again.

"I can't believe you did that." Phil says to me.

"I know. I can't believe it either. Something just kind of came over me and I just... did it." I try to explain.

"Monday is literally going to be Hell."

"I know. If he didn't hate me before, he must hate me now." I swing our hands back and fourth lightly. "But I don't want to think about that tonight. Tonight is all about you and me. No one else."

"In the confinement of my own room, of course, because I'm still not out to my mum yet." Phil said, clearly wishing to be out, though we both knew he was too scared to do that. And that's fine.

As we walk up to Phil's house, he lets go of my hand, a sorry look in his eyes. I give him a reassuring half smile in return. He unlocks the door and we step inside.

"Mum, I'm home!" Phil calls.

"Hello, sweetie!" She calls back as she comes down the stairs.

"Dan's over." Phil tells her. I wave my hand when she sees me.

"Oh yes, hello." She smiles. She looks exhausted. "Phil, I'm just giving you a heads up. I'll be in my office all weekend working on a really important project that could give me a huge promotion. So, please don't interrupt me."

It sounds like kind of a rude thing for a mother to be requesting to her son, but we all know she doesn't mean it in that way.

"I'll try not to." Phil smiles. His mum kisses him on the head quickly.

"Love you." She says as she walks up the stairs.

"Love you, too." Phil replies.

Phil goes up the stairs to his room and I follow. I've only been here twice, so I still don't really know my way around that well. We get to Phil's large room and he shuts the door. His room is light blue and has basic things in it. Bed, TV, closet, games, that kind of stuff.

"What do you want to do? I ask. "We could start the movies now." I suggest.

"We could, but I have another idea." Phil smirked and wrapped his arms around my midsection. I smile back at him, leaning in closer.

"I think I like this idea."

Phil kisses my neck softly as I pull him closer. He has me pushed against his door, which is now locked in case his mum walks in. Phil trails his kisses from my neck up towards my lips. When his lips meet mine, I instantly feel like I'm walking on air. I slide my tongue into Phil's mouth and wrap my arms even tighter around him. His tongue presses against mine as he invades all of my senses.

Even though my eyes are closed, I can still see Phil. Glistening blue eyes and jet black hair. I feel his soft skin as I push my hands slightly up his shirt. Soft and smooth and a bit cold. His scent is powerful. It's like a drug to me. A drug that I just can't quit. And wouldn't want to, for that matter. The inside of his mouth tastes like coffee and mint, even though I know he hasn't had either in hours. I also can hear the distinct sound of his lips on mine and his quiet moan that mix with the ones that slip from my own mouth.

Phil's fingers tangle in my hair as we continue to kiss. I feel his tongue rub against mine and I let it roam my mouth. Phil's lips move with mine for a little while longer, until we need to break for breath. After we pull away, we look into each others eyes, just taking each other in. We know we should stop this before it gets too out of hand. Surely, if we did continue, his mum would hear us.

"Movie time?" I ask.

"Movie time." Phil confirms.

After a few movies, we put on a scary movie. I put my arms around Phil as it starts, and I feel him tense up. He looks a bit uneasy.

"Phil? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." He cuddles up to me closer than usual. I don't really pay attention to it until things start getting intense in the movie. Phil grips my shirt and hides his head in my neck.

"Are you scared Phil? Do you want me to turn off the movie?" I ask, willing to do what makes him comfortable.

"No it's fine. The movie can stay on."

"But Phil, you just seem so-"

"I'll be fine..." Phil says, moving into my lap. "As long as you hold me."

I blush at his cuteness and hold him, making sure that I keep him safe from the unrealistic dangers of the movie on screen. Every now and then, I kiss him so he knows that I'm still there, and there's nothing to worry about. That it's just a movie.

Phil and I watch movies and snack on random junk food until about 3 AM. The whole time, we were cuddling and kissing, or even talking. I've learned that both of us like superhero movies and embarrassing romantic films. I also learned that if we put on a scary movie, I have to hold Phil and kiss him repeatedly so he won't get too scared. But, of course, I didn't mind that.

We start getting ready for bed at 3:30 in the morning. Phil is sitting up in his bed when I get back from the bathroom.

"So now, you can take your pick." Phil says to me. "You can either sleep on the floor by yourself, or you could sleep in here with me." Phil pats the space on his bed next to him.

"I don't know. The floor looks pretty comfortable." I joke. Phil throws a pillow at me. "But not as comfortable as sleeping next to you."

Phil laughs and gets up and goes to his closet. He pulls out pajama bottoms and changes into them as I change into mine. Phil takes off his shirt and tosses it in the laundry bin.

"Hope you don't mind, but I sleep shirtless." Phil says as I slip off my own shirt.

"I don't mind. Now, I hope you don't mind that I also sleep with my shirt off."

"Nope. Don't mind at all."

I take this time to get a good look at Phil. He's seen me shirtless before, but I've never seen him shirtless. And, fuck, does Phil have a nice body. He's thin, but not too thin. He's muscular, but not too muscular.

We both climb into his bed and crawl under his blanket. At first, we both kind of just lay there, not sure what to do. Our backs face each other, touching ever so slightly.

Without even thinking about it, I turn around and press my chest to Phil's back and wrap my arms around him. I feel his body relax. He shuffles around so we're facing each other and his head rests on my chest.

"Goodnight, Dan."

"Goodnight, Phil." I tighten my grip around him as he snuggles into my arms.

I kiss the top of his head, and before I know it, I'm fast asleep.

**So I hope you liked it! I wasn't really sure what to do, so I went by my new motto. "When in doubt, fluff out." Yes. So, shout outs. Even though she doesn't read my stories, shout out to ThatOneSmoshyPhanGirl. It really sucks that she's no longer writing on this site, but I understand what she's saying. I wish her the best of luck in pursuing a writing career. Also, I put a poll on my page. It's asking if you think this story should later on have smut. I know where I'd put it, but I don't know if you guys think smut would ruin this or not, so let me know! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	11. Middle Of The Night

**Hey guys! Yes, yes, I know. Short chapter. Boo. Really important AN at the bottom!**

I'm sitting in a completely black room, unaware of why I'm here or what this place is. I get up off the hard ground and try to find a way out, but find nothing. I'm trapped. I pound on the walls, trying to get someone to hear me. No one comes to the rescue. Suddenly, everything around me starts shaking. I fall to the floor, which has turned oddly soft. I squeeze my eyes shut as things shake harder. When I open my eyes, I'm in a dark room, but it's a different one. I recognize this room. It's Phil's. I still feel the shaking. Once again, it's Phil's. I look around and assume it's really early morning, considering it's still dark outside. I turn back to Phil and I take my arms away from him and try to shake him awake.

"Phil? Phil, wake up!" I whisper. He's still sleeping, but looks like he's in pain. "Phil!" I try again, louder. His eyes shoot open and he bolts upright. I take a second and put a hand on his shoulder. He jumps when he feels my hand, but relaxes when he looks at me. He tackles me in a bone crushing hug that I gladly return. "Phil? What's wrong?"

"I uh... This is kind of silly, but I had a nightmare."

"It's not silly. I still get nightmares sometimes. Do you want to talk about it?" He shakes his head slightly, but then changes it to a nod. I put one comforting arm around him and wait for him to begin.

"I was back at my old school and I was walking down the hall. At the end of the hallway, I saw Tony, so I turned around and ran. Then I saw the guy from my old school that I told you about. The one that pushed me down the stairs and broke my arm. I started to back away from him and then Tony came from behind me and pushed me to the ground. They both started to hurt me and yell at me. Then you showed up and pulled them off of me. You and I ran outside and ran away from the school. Before we knew it, there was a giant crowd chasing us. They cornered us at the edge of a cliff and-" Phil stopped, obviously not wanting to go on. He did anyway. "And then I couldn't find you. I looked around, but you were nowhere. They all started coming closer to me and I backed away until I fell off the cliff. As I fell, I saw you again at the top of the cliff. They were hurting you." Phil ended in a whisper. I took Phil in my arms and hugged him as tight as I could.

"It was only a dream. I'm right here, there's nothing to worry about." I say into his hair and kiss his dark locks lightly.

"It just felt so real and I got so scared." Phil clings to my body. "I didn't want to lose you." I rub his back and kiss him again.

"You won't lose me, Phil. I'm right here and I always will be."

I looked at his face that was gently lit by the by the moon. His mouth curved slightly into a frown, but his eyes showed something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Was it adoration? In this light, his eyes looked especially blue.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" I ask. This gets him to finally show me a smile. He rests his head on my shoulder and plants a small kiss there. He seemed so flustered. And it was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. "It's so cute when you get all flustered at my little comments." I feel him blush against my bare skin.

"Dan, stop it." Phil giggled, not really wanting me to stop.

"Why? I want you to know just how perfect you are."

"Not nearly as perfect as you." I blush and bury my face in his hair, once again giving him plenty of little kisses.

Phil lifts his head up and returns the favor by placing his lips on mine. I kiss him back while I hug him by the waist.

"Hey, Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"This is kind of a dumb question, okay?"

"What is it?"

"I was just wondering... Why did you talk to me on my first day? I mean, you obviously didn't have to, and you don't seem like you're someone who would just be friends with the new guy. So, why?"

"I don't know." I answer. "I was just kind of oddly attracted to you. Like something about you made me want to know you more. You just caught my attention. No one else has ever done that before."

"Well, I'm glad you talked to me. I actually really wanted you to." Phil admits.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't think I didn't notice you checking me out when I was at the front of the classroom. And then you looked me in the eyes, blushed, and looked away. How could I not want to talk to you?"

"I have a question for you."

"Go ahead."

"Why did you seem so confident and flirty on your first day? You're so shy now."

"I just didn't want to be the new, shy, quiet kid. I wanted to make some sort of impression on you."

"Well, you certainly did. I like it when you're all flirty with me. But there's something about shy, flustered, quiet Phil that is just completely irresistible to me." I kiss him quickly before he lets out a big yawn. "Wanna go back to sleep?" Phil's eyes flutter and he nods. I kiss him one last time before we lay back down.

I lay on my back and Phil cuddles in next to me. His head rests on my bare chest, just as it did before. Our arms go around each other, giving the other a sense of comfort. Letting each other know that the the other person is still there, and vice versa.

And for now, in that moment, life is wonderful.

**So, yes, I know that this chapter is waaaaaayyyyy shorter than all of my others. I just needed to write something quickly and get it up. So, important shit now. I am staying over at my grandparent's house for a few days. So, after saying that, I should let you know about my next chapter. Don't kill me, but I'll have to post it on Saturday or Sunday, depending on when I get home. I'm sorry! I don't have a laptop, so I have no way of posting a new chapter while I'm over there. I swear, I'll make it a good one though! Also, if you haven't already, vote on the poll on my profile. Aaaaand that's it. Bye guys! You're all seriously wonderful!**

**-Natalie**


	12. Always Fight Back

**Hi guys! So uh... I'll talk to you at the bottom. Oh and for the sake of this story, people text with full words and proper punctuation. I do in real life, but it seems not many other people do. So yeah. And their names are at the end of each text just to make it less confusing. I don't know anyone that actually puts their name at the end of the texts they send.**

Late Sunday night, I walk up to the front door of my house and watch Phil drive away after dropping me off. I get inside my house and put my back against the closed door. This weekend was so perfect. Too bad it's over. And we have school tomorrow. Ugh, school. I blink my eyes and decide now would be a good time to unpack all of my things. I hardly take one step from the door before I'm bombarded with questions from mum.

"Hi, Dan! How was it? Did you have fun? What did you do? Was his mum there the whole time? Did you do anything I should know about? Did Phil-"

"Woah, mum, calm down! Were you just waiting for me to walk through the door since you got home?"

"Maybe."

"Mum!"

"I just want to know how things went!"

"Things went fine." I laugh as I try to push past her. She blocks the way.

"So... What did you and Phil do?" She asked, trying not to sound as interested as she actually was. What does she think we did?

"We watched like every movie on Earth and ate our weight in junk food." I exaggerate.

"Did you do anything... Bad?" My eyes widen. _Oh_.

"Mum! Why would you even ask that?" I exclaim.

"Can't I be concerned about my son doing adult things?"

"We didn't do anything like... _that_. Jesus Christ, mum!" I facepalm, utterly embarrassed that she actually asked me that.

"Aw now your face has gone all red!" Mum laughs.

"Please stop." I beg.

"Fine, fine! Teenaged boys, no fun to mess with." She rolls her eyes and I give a light laugh.

"I'm going to go unpack. I'm probably going to go to bed soon, too. I'm exhausted."

"Exhausted from all the nothing you and Phil did?" I laugh again and make my way to my room.

Quickly, I unpack my bag and flop down on my bed. I spend most of the night just laying there, texting Phil until I fall asleep.

X

In the morning, I awoke to see that I was still in the same clothes I wore yesterday and I had fallen asleep with my phone in my hand. When I checked, I had one new message from Phil that was sent around one in the morning. I opened the message.

"You must have fallen asleep, you nutter. Sweet dreams, beautiful.

-Phil x"

I smile and bite my lip as I read it. I type out a text to Phil quickly.

"Sorry for falling asleep.

-Dan x"

Not long after, I got a reply.

"That's okay. How did you sleep?

-Phil x"

I change into different clothes before I respond.

"Pretty well I guess. And yourself?

-Dan x"

I went along with my normal morning routine and make my way to the kitchen when I'm all ready to go. As I stand there, I get a reply.

"Not as well as I could have if I had your arms around me. *****heart*

-Phil x"

I blushed as I typed my response.

"Stop being so cute!

-Dan x"

I then see my mum walk into the kitchen and I shove my phone in my pocket. She stops in the doorway, smirking with one eyebrow raised.

"Why are you blushing?"

"I- uh..."

"Who are you texting?" She asked, even though she already knows.

"No one." I answer too quickly. I know if I give her straight answers, she'll want to know everything about our conversation. So, now I'm stalling.

"Glad to know your boyfriend is a no one to you."

"You know, I never thought a mother could be overly accepting of her gay son. Turns out, it's possible." I joke.

But it was true. She was very accepting, sometimes a little too much, but accepting nonetheless. My dad seemed pretty okay with it, I guess. He hasn't changed the way he interacts with me at all. But if the subject of homosexuality comes up or the fact that I have a boyfriend comes up, he kind of just stares into space. At least he doesn't hate me. And then my brother... Well, he teases me about Phil, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean it. You know, younger siblings are supposed to tease older siblings about that kind if stuff. But, really, I don't think he minds that much.

"Oh hush. You should feel grateful. At least I support you."

"Yeah I guess. Anyway, I'm gonna go. Bye, mum!"

"Bye! Have a good day!"

I grab my backpack, sling it over my shoulders and head out the door. With my head down, I take the familiar path to school. When I push open the doors, I remember what happened on Friday with me and Tony. I fought back. I left him in pain. He's going to kill me now. Shit.

I slip through the halls and go to my locker. I try my hardest to stay unnoticed. After I get my books from my locker, I turn around and make sure that Tony or his dumb friends are nowhere in sight. When I didn't see them, I quickly walked down the hallway. I was almost to the stairs when I was grabbed roughly from behind and pulled back. I felt a tight arm around my throat as I was put in a headlock.

"You think it was funny? Huh, fag? Think what you did on Friday was funny?"

"Get the fuck off me, Tony." I cough out. I feel my face go red from lack of oxygen.

"Fine."

He pushes me against a wall and lands a sharp blow to my chest. I gasp after getting the wind knocked out of me. Suddenly, I'm being held back by Mac and Charlie as three guys, Tony included, pound on me. A slap on the cheek, a punch in the stomach, a kick to the groin. They do it all. The five guys form sort of a circle that I'm in the middle of. Their laughing sickens me and makes me hate them even more. I helplessly kick at them and swing my fists at them. They dodge my attempts and push me all around the circle. Mac grabs me and puts my arms around my back.

"That's enough of him now." Mac says. I let out a breath. Suddenly, Phil is pushed into the circle, looking terrified. He's being held back by one of the guys I don't know. "Let him watch instead!" Mac snarls.

Tony smirks disgustingly and punches Phil in his stomach. Phil doubles over in pain and lets out a groan. I feel tears sting in my eyes. I struggle to get out of Mac's grip, but he just holds on tighter. I blink back my tears, not wanting them, or Phil, to see me cry. As Phil straightens up, we make sudden eye contact. I give him a sorry look and he gives me a helpless look back.

Tony pushes Phil down on the floor and starts kicking at him. I can just hear Phil's whimpers over the shouting of everyone else. But above everything, I can hear Tony's yelling.

"You ugly, worthless, piece of shit! You're a disgusting faggot and a sorry excuse for a person. Ugly cunt." Tony spits at Phil. I could physically feel the anger bubble up inside of me. I couldn't just watch this anymore.

I swing back my leg and kick Mac wherever I can reach him. He drops me out of surprise and I lunge at Tony, jumping on his back.

"What the fuck?" Tony yells. He stops kicking Phil. I start punching Tony at any part of his body that I can.

"Leave him the fuck alone, you fucking asshole! He never fucking did anything to you! Fuck off, you dick!"

Tony reached back and grabbed me from his back. He slammed me as hard as he could on the floor. I landed on my back, next to an unmoving Phil. Ignoring the pain, I got up and lashed out at Tony, who fought back. Punch after punch, kick after kick, insult after insult. Neither of us would stop. I didn't want to stop. I needed him to feel some sort of pain. The same pain he caused for me. And for Phil. Tony and I were both starting to get really into the fight when we heard yelling coming from behind us.

"Hey! You two! Break it up!" A nearby teacher, Ms. Ellis, yelled. Tony gives me a strong push before Ms. Ellis steps in between us. "Headmaster's office, now!" She points towards the office.

I look over at Phil, who is standing up now. He doesn't look too hurt, but I know all of the damage was done on the inside. He was looking at me and Tony with a nervous expression apparent on his face.

"Just go to class. Don't worry about anything. I'll be fine." I reassure him and give him an unconvincing smile. All he did was nod his head before we both walked away. Fuck. He must be mad at me.

Tony and I sit in the headmaster's office, waiting for our punishment. We sit in a really tense atmosphere as we're the only ones in the room.

"This is your fault, faggot." Tony states.

"How? You started it."

"I never got caught until you fought back."

"If you just left me and Phil alone in the first place, none of this ever would have-"

"Good morning, boys." The headmaster, Mrs. Cohen, says unenthusiastically.

"Morning." I muttered. Tony scoffed. I rolled my eyes.

"So, would one of you care to tell me what happened?" She asks. Before Tony can say anything, I start the story.

"For the past few weeks, Tony wouldn't leave me or my boyfriend alone. I got sick of it, so today I fought back in self defense."

"Is this true?" Mrs. Cohen asked. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. But it's not my fault they're faggots and need to be taught a lesson. They're disgusting." Tony answers.

"I may be a faggot, but at least I'm not a prick."

"Boys, stop it!" She commands. We face forward and look at her. "Tony, since this has been going on for a while, you're suspended for five days."

"What? That's fucking bullshit!" Tony screams. "Thanks a lot, queer." Mrs. Cohen ignores the comment for some reason.

"Daniel, since you fought back, you're suspended for three days."

I gulp. Oh god. Mum is going to kill me. And Phil's going to have to be here for three days without me. At least Tony won't be here to hurt him.

"Now, you two need to leave school as your suspension starts today."

We both nod at her, understanding what to do. Despite the situation, she smiles at us.

"Have a nice day." She says.

Yeah, my day is going to be so wonderful after I just got suspended from school. The fuck is she thinking?

"You too." I force myself to say, since I'm a naturally nice human being. Tony rolls his eyes and laughs.

"Loser." He mutters. I ignore it and we both walk out of the office. I don't give him a chance to say anything and I rush out of the building. I half run, half walk home. Once I step inside, I get a text from mum.

"Your school called me. We're having a serious talk when I get home."

Shit. I already know how this is going to turn out. She's either going to kill me, or pull me from the school. For some reason, I think the first option is a better possibility. I rub my eyes and type out a text to Phil.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, but I got suspended for three days.

-Dan x"

I go up to my room and lay on my stomach on my warm bed. My phone buzzes. A text from Phil.

"You got suspended?! Why would you fight back? You knew what could have happened.

-Phil x"

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry.

-Dan x"

I put my head down on my bed and let a few tears escape. I shouldn't have fought Tony. My phone lights up and I open Phil's message.

"I'm not mad. At least tell me that Tony got suspended too?

-Phil x"

I smile slightly, glad that he's not angry with me.

"For five days.

-Dan x"

Almost instantly, I got a new text.

"Haha great. Want me to come over after school?

-Phil x"

"I want you to, but mum's pissed. I don't think you want to see your boyfriend get murdered by his own mother.

-Dan x"

"Aww *heart* Good luck with that.

-Phil x"

"Thanks *heart*

-Dan x"

X

Later in the day, I hear the front door slam. I swear I felt the house shake. Or maybe that's just me.

"Daniel!" Mum yells. She sounds angrier than I've ever heard her be. Reluctantly, I stand up and walk down the stairs. I find mum in the kitchen with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Mum, look, I'm really sorry, but-"

"Would you like to tell me why I got a phone call from your school saying that my son got suspended for fighting?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds."

"Oh really? What happened?" She asked, still pissed.

"This guy was giving me a hard time, but I didn't fight back at first. Then, today, he made me watch as he beat up Phil. I couldn't take it anymore, so I just kind of pulled him off of Phil and fought back. The headmaster knows that I did it in self defense, so I'm suspended for three days and he's suspended for a week."

"How could you be so stupid to fight back? You said you wouldn't get hurt again!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't even get hurt!"

"Well, now look where your stupidity got you. You've been bloody suspended!"

"I wasn't just going to stand there and watch as they hurt Phil! I had to do something!" My voice sounds weak as I'm trying not to cry. I never was good at getting yelled at by adults. It's worse than when someone my age yells at me.

"I can't deal with you right now! We'll talk about this later. Go to your room!" She yells. I run out of the kitchen and to the front door.

"No! I'm going to go see Phil." I open the door but she quickly slams it.

"No you're not! Room, now!"

I know that there's no way I'd be able to leave, so I stomp up the stairs and to my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

**I know I said Sunday at the latest, but I decided to be social and I went to a party. There was so much beer... and drugs... and strippers... No I'm not cool enough for those kinds of parties. We had pizza and soda... no strippers. Or drugs and beer, for that matter. So uh new chapter in two days! I have decided that later in the story, there will be smut. So, I hope you liked this chapter. Please review! It makes me happy and I need something to make me happy right now. Bye!**

**-Natalie**


	13. Don't Worry About Me

**Hey guys! I'll explain myself at the bottom. Enjoy!**

It's the last day of my suspension and I am just about ready to jump out of a window. I've been in my room for the past three days, hardly coming out. I'm not allowed outside of the house anyways, so my room is where I will stay. I always say how I'd rather stay in my room forever than go outside, but I now realize how much I hate this. I like being in my room by myself, but not for three days straight. And to make matters worse, mum took away my phone, my laptop, and she won't let me anywhere near a TV. When mum grounds me, she does a pretty damn good job of it. All I can do is sit in my room, doing absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. I'm not even kidding when I say nothing. Unless you count feeling sorry for yourself as something.

I've been so bored sitting alone in my house that I actually want to go back to school. It's better than being suspended and grounded. I'm happy about the fact that I will have two days at school when I get back that Tony won't be there. Sure, everyone else will make it hell, but it's more manageable without Tony. Another thing I'm looking forward to is that at school, I can see Phil. I haven't seen him since the morning I got suspended, I haven't talked to him since that afternoon, and I haven't even hugged him since the night before that when he dropped me off at home. I know, I know. It's probably weird to obsessively remember when the last time I hugged my boyfriend was. But his hugs are so warm and tight and perfect; how could I forget them?

Right now, I'm laying down in my bed, which now has a dent in the shape of my body, and I'm thinking about Phil. I have to wait until tomorrow to see him again. If I even survive until then. I close my eyes and think about the weekend we spent at his house. That was a lot of fun. He and I need to do that again. Maybe at my house where my parents know I'm gay. It'd be easier to have a date night here, rather than at his house where we have to stay locked up in his room. I'll ask him about it later. But right now, I think I'm about to take a little nap. It's not like there's anything better to do anyways.

X

When I wake up from my nap, I look over at my clock, hoping that I slept the whole day away. I sigh as I see the time. School should just be getting out right about now. I sit up on my bed and ponder my thoughts. I bang my head against the wall a few times, not sure exactly why I'm doing it. Maybe, if I feel like risking getting in trouble, I could go snoop through my parents' room for my phone. Then I could text Phil or do something else that won't make me want to shoot my brains out. I consider the consequences for a moment before deciding it's worth it.

I make my way to their room and push open the door quietly and peek around. As if someone could hear me, I tiptoe inside, trying to be light on my feet. I go to the little table by their bed and open up the drawers. No phone. I go over to the dresser and pull open the first drawer. I sift carefully through the folded shirts, trying not to mess it up. Nope. I open the next drawer and dig through the folded pants. Nothing. I get to the next drawer, but quickly slam it. Bras. Ew.

Just as I begin to open the next one, praying that it's not as horrific as the last drawer, I hear a constant loud pounding on the front door. I shut the drawer and leave my parents' room, closing the door behind me.

The pounding on the door gets faster and louder as the seconds pass. I rush down the stairs and head to the front door. Right as I pull it open, a person falls into my arms.

"Phil? What are you-"

"Close the door." Phil whispers in between heavy breaths. I do as I'm told and lock the door as well.

Phil falls to the floor and I fall with him, cradling him in my arms. I can't tell if he's conscious or not until I feel his hot tears seep through my shirt and his body start to shake uncontrollably. I move him gently into my lap and let him cry as much as he needs to. He grips my shirt, refusing to let go of it as if he would die if his grip loosened. I stroke his hair softly and whisper comforting words into his ear. I rock back and forth slightly, hoping the motion settles him down.

"It's okay, Phil." I whisper. "It's only me. Nothing can hurt you now. I've got you."

Phil's breathing starts to get slower and more even. His tears are slowing down and he isn't shaking as badly as he had been before.

"Come on, Phil. Let's go to my room." I suggest. He nods and I stand up. I give him my hand to help him up. I pull him off of the floor and put an arm around him. With me supporting most of his weight, Phil and I slowly make it up to my room. We sit on my bed and I pull Phil in close to me. "What happened?" I ask. Phil sniffles.

"I was walking out of school and they all cornered me." Phil says, his voice weak and sad.

"Who? It wasn't Tony, was it?" I ask. Phil shakes his head and lets out a few more tears. I have never seen Phil cry before, and it honestly broke my heart. I didn't know that seeing someone so sad would make me feel this sad, too.

"It was Tony's friends. They beat me up until I couldn't feel anything anymore. They told me if we ever get Tony or one of them suspended again, they'd kill me. To prove it, one of them pulled out a knife and trailed it all over my body. If I made any slight moves, they were going to do it. They would stab me. I don't know how I did it, but I broke free and ran away. They chased after me, trying to stop me so they could hurt me some more. I lost them a few blocks back, so I ran here because I- I wanted to see you." Phil started sobbing loudly as he said the last part. I pulled him back in an tight hug, once again letting him cry into my shirt. "I'm scared of them, Dan."

"Don't be scared of them. They're not going to actually kill you. They're just _trying _to scare you. Please don't let them get to you like that. I just wish that they couldn't get away with hurting you like this."

"I deserve it." Phil mumbles into my chest. I shake my head, even though he can't see what I'm doing. I hold back a tear that threatens to escape. I refuse to let him see me cry. I need to be the stronger one here. I can't break down. He needs to know everything will be okay.

"Phil, stop it." I say, hurt obvious in my voice. "Don't you fucking say that about yourself." Phil looks up at me. "You're so fucking beautiful and smart and funny and sweet and so goddamn perfect!"

Phil shakes his head again. I breathe out and take him in my arms again. He hugs me back this time, properly.

"Thank you." Phil whimpers into my neck.

After Phil calms down, we loosen our grip on each other. I take a quick look at his lips and find that I can't resist. I cup his cheek and bring my lips to his. Phil kisses me back and I taste the salty tears on his soft lips. I end the kiss and give him another comforting hug. He easily gives in and melts into my arms.

"Did they do anything else?"

"Hm?" Phil asks, nuzzling into my chest more.

"The guys that beat you up today. Was that the only thing they did?" Phil shook his head. "What else did they do?"

"They said since you weren't there to protect me, I had no chance of fighting back, so they would go after me every time they saw me."

I held Phil close and tried not to cry at this. They hurt him because I wasn't there. I couldn't protect him, so they hurt him.

"I wish I could have been there to help you. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You'll be back tomorrow anyways."

"But that doesn't change the fact that you're hurt now."

"I would have gotten hurt anyways. Don't blame yourself."

"I just wish I could have helped you."

"Well, there is something you can do to help me now."

"What?" I ask, willing to do anything to make him feel better. If he wanted me to jump off a building, I'd do it for him.

"Your hugs and kisses always make me feel better." Phil says, blushing. I smile and pull him into a kiss while hugging his waist.

"Better?" I ask after we pull away. Phil nods before kissing me again.

This kiss lasts longer than the other one, and we hold each other closer. I massage his back lightly, trying to get him to relax. I can feel how tense he is, and I don't blame him. Phil's breath mingles with mine and I can feel it against my skin and in my mouth. It's warm and light. We break away from the kiss and I glance over his shoulder to look at my alarm clock. 4:45. I wonder what time mum will be home. She's been getting home earlier than she used to. And since I've been suspended, she's been coming home earlier than that to make sure I'm not disobeying her rules. And since I'm grounded, I'm not allowed to have any form of contact with any human being other than the three other people that live in my house. So, if she sees Phil here, I'm dead.

"Phil, I really wish you could stay, but mum will flip the fuck out if she knows I've had someone over."

"When is your grounding over?"

"Probably tomorrow or the end of the week. She never keeps me grounded for long."

"Must be boring."

"You have no idea." I complain.

"I don't want you to get into even more trouble, so I should go ahead and walk home."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to walk. You live like a mile away."

"It's okay. Taking a walk will help me clear my head anyways." Phil shrugged lightly.

He stood up from my bed and I followed. I led him to the front door and opened it. Phil looked at me, his blue eyes looking straight at my brown ones.

"Don't worry too much about me." He says. "In the end, it's just not worth it."

Phil lightly grabs my chin and kisses my lips softly to end his statement.

And with that, he's gone.

**So, I'm sorry for not updating for a few days. I don't really know what was wrong with me. I just couldn't really find it in myself to update. Also, I couldn't stand how awful my first story was, so I went back and edited it all. That's right. I edited a 25 chapter, 47 thousand word story. It was pissing me off, but now it's better. That took up a lot of my time. I wanted to do that before updating this. So, go check that out if you haven't already. And yeah... I'll see you in *insert uncertain time length here* Bye!**

**-Natalie **


	14. First Day Back

**Don't look at me like that.**

The next day, I walk into the school feeling less tense than usual. That is most likely because Tony won't be here fore two days. Plenty of other people look at me and shout dumb, meaningless names, but no one initiates the first move in a fight with me. That's something that I'm no longer used to.

After I finish at my locker, I head up the stairs to class. No one stops me. In fact, no one even touches me. I wish Tony just never had to return to this school ever again. It's like he was the source of everyone's confidence or something. Without him, everyone is too scared to touch me. So far, all it seems that people can do without Tony is call me names, which I can learn to tolerate. The only reason it was different for Phil was because I wasn't here. Now that I am, hopefully no one will touch him.

I sit down in my seat and look at Phil, who was already sitting down when I got here. He's looking down at his desk, not blinking or moving in the slightest. I stare at him for a few more seconds, wondering what exactly it is that he's doing.

"Phil?" I lean towards him. He still doesn't move. He doesn't even seem to hear me. "Phil? Hello?" I wave my hand in front of his face. His eyes don't move with it. I snap my fingers by his ear. He jumps slightly and blinks a few times.

"Oh uh hi." Phil says, a bit dazed. He looks over at me. He has purple bags under his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I uh... I didn't sleep last night."

"Why not?" I ask. Phil just shakes his head in response. "Did anything happen to you this morning? I didn't see Tony's friends at all. Were they harassing you?" Phil shakes his head and looks back down at his desk.

I reach out and grab his hand from on top of his desk. With Phil's soft hand in mine, I use my thumb to caress his knuckles. I lightly kiss the back of his hand before placing it back on top of his desk and let go. I lift my head and start to face forward in my seat. But before I can turn around, I swear I saw a girl on the other side of the room, smiling at me and Phil.

X

During second period, I space out and tap my pencil on my desk. I chew on my bottom lip as I think about Phil. He just didn't seem like himself. For now, I'll believe that he's just tired. But if this behavior goes on, I won't let him get away with it. There's something really off about him today.

I put my head down on my desk and close my eyes. I shouldn't be so worried about how Phil's acting. Maybe he _is_ just tired. He just seemed so out of it. He probably needs some sleep.

"Howell, head up. No sleeping in class." My teacher, Mr. Baker shouted at me. I lift my head up.

"Sorry." I mumble, obviously not meaning it.

I half pay attention the rest of the period, ultimately focusing on my own thoughts. Most of which are about Phil. The whole hour, I try to distract myself by doing work, but that doesn't actually cut it. My mind still constantly wanders over to Phil.

The bell rings and I shoot up out of my seat. Before I can leave the room, I'm stopped by Mr. Baker. I sigh and go over to his desk, where he is sitting with his arms crossed.

"Yeah?" I ask once I'm in front of his desk.

"You're aware of school rules, right?"

"Yeah."

"So you know how important it is to pay attention in class, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And this is not the first time you've misbehaved in my class. You've ditched, you've fallen asleep, you've missed assignments, you've taken out your phone and distracted yourself, not paying attention. You were just suspended and I'd have no problem getting you suspended again, do you understand?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I've just had a rough couple of days." I explain. He nods.

"Get to class." He waves me off. I turn around and roll my eyes.

Phil probably already left his class, so we can't walk to third period together. I walk faster to get to the auditorium in order to see Phil. I open the door and see him sitting on the edge of the stage, his legs dangling off the side. I drop my backpack on the stage and sit next to him.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"Tired." I nod.

"Why didn't you sleep last night?" I feel his arm slide around my waist and he scoots in closer. He rests his head on my shoulder. He lets out a yawn.

"I was just thinking about a lot of things and my brain wouldn't let me sleep."

"What were you thinking about?"

"A lot of different things. You, Tony, this school, my old school. Everything."

"Define everything." I say. Phil yawns again.

"I wondered how everyone at my old school is. They're probably a lot happier and better off now that I'm gone. I thought about how this school is the same as my old one. But then again, why would it be any different? Of course there will be more people to bully me. Why would I think any differently? It's just so easy to bully me that they will do it anywhere I go. I thought an awful lot about Tony, too. They way he can hurt me so much without getting tired. Or how he can call me names without getting bored. Or how he can insult me and get me to believe everything he says. It's weird how much power someone so horrible can have over me. Every little thing he does impacts me in some way. A negative way."

Phil stops to yawn again. He's saying all of these things with no emotion at all. He hasn't shown any emotion all day. Usually he's very animated and alive. He's scaring me.

"But I also thought about you, Dan. You make me feel so much better. You protect me and help me through it all. You're the only good thing that has ever come out of my crappy life. And I can't thank you enough for that."

I feel something on my cheek and realize I'm crying. I wipe away my tears so Phil can't see them. I hug him closer to let him know that I was listening intently the whole time. I kiss the top of his head as he yawns into my neck.

"You've certainly been thinking about plenty of things, huh?" I sniffle.

When I get no response, I look down at Phil. He fell asleep on my shoulder. I smile and lay us both down, letting Phil use me as a pillow. My hand rubs soothing circles on his stomach to comfort him as he sleeps.

When the bell rings, Phil doesn't stir. The rise and fall of his chest is his only movement. I shake him lightly until his eyes open. He blinks his eyes a few times and we both sit up.

"Come on, Phil. You have to get to class." I say. Phil groans.

"I don't want to." Phil complains. He puts his head to my chest.

I grab our backpacks and hand him his. We hop off of the stage and walk to the door. People start to file into the auditorium, getting ready for class.

"I'll see you next period."

Phil nods and kisses me quickly. I kiss him back, squeezing his hand. He turns and walks out of the auditorium and I walk to my seat, ignoring the hateful comments of some classmates.

:Unfortunately for me, today I have to perform a monologue from Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night". Today is not really a day that I would pick to go up on stage, as I'm not really in any mood to talk to anyone other than Phil, but it seems that I have no choice. Silently cursing to myself, I go up on stage and perform to my best ability. When I finish, Mrs. Leva claps her hands.

"Wonderful as always. Great passion!"

I nod my head at her in response and walk off stage. I take my seat, just waiting for class to be over.

And soon, after a few more bland people perform their monologues, the bell rings and I hop out of my seat. I push open the door and wait there for Phil. When he meets me there, we walk to the lunch room together where the both of us are silent for a while. As I throw away my garbage, Phil breaks the silence.

"Do you want to hang out today?" He asks.

"Shouldn't you go home and get some rest? You still seem really out of it and tired." I say, genuinely concerned about his well being. He shrugs.

"I'd rather spend time with you." Phil looks at me with his big blue eyes that almost make me give in.

"Well, _I'd_ rather have you feel better though." I say, grabbing his hand over the table. Phil sticks out his lower lip. "Another day, babe."

"Okay." Phil says, disappointed.

When the bell rings, Phil gives me a kiss before we both head our separate ways.

The rest of the day goes on as normal, just with a lot less physical pain. After the last class of the day ends, I go to my locker and spot Phil waiting for me.

"Hey." I say as I open my locker.

"Hi." Phil replies. He waits for me as I get my books from my locker. After I close it, we walk outside, hand in hand. "Are you sure you don't want to hang out today?" I smile and chuckle at how cute he sounded.

"Go home and get some rest. We can do something tomorrow."

"Fine." Phil fake pouts. I roll my eyes with a smirk on my lips.

"You're so cute."

I grab his waist and kiss him. He kisses me back, wrapping his arms around me. We both pull away from the kiss and take our arms away.

"Bye." I say to him.

"Bye." Phil answers before kissing me again.

We turn from each other and start to walk to both of our separate houses, alone.

**Hey! So, I'm, once again, very sorry this took longer than usual. I've been trying to figure out where this story was going, so I had to think long and hard. That's what she said. So, this wonderful person by the name of DoctorFannibal wrote an awesome one shot about what should happen to Tony. It's pretty awesome and incredibly gratifying, so I suggest you check it out and tell her how awesome she is! Stay awesome, guys! And I'll see you when I see you.**

**-Natalie**


	15. Secrets Kept From You

**Yeah I know I'm like a week late. I'm a human, not your period. No reason to panic.**

The next day at school, it goes on just like the day before. Phil doesn't talk much, he spaces out a lot, and when I ask him about it, he says it's nothing. He told me that he got some sleep last night., but I know that's a lie. I don't call him out on it though. I let his excuses slide. He's probably in no mood to be called out as a liar.

During lunch that day, Phil asked me if I wanted to spend the weekend with him. Under any normal circumstance, I would agree to this easily. But because of Phil's recent behavior, I'm hesitant to say yes.

"I don't know, Phil. You still don't seem like yourself." I tell him, after he asks.

"I'm fine, I swear! Please?" Phil pleads.

In response, I shrug. But then I take a moment to think about what this weekend could potentially hold. Maybe I could ask him what's wrong with him. Maybe I could finally get him to get some sleep. Maybe I could fix whatever his problem is. I look at Phil and nod my head.

"Yeah, sure. Sounds great." I smile. Phil gives a small smile in return. That's another thing I've noticed. His smiles aren't as big and bold as before. Despite that, my heart still leaps when I get the chance to see them.

Later that day, Phil and I meet up outside of the school. I take his warm hand in mine, lacing our fingers in a pattern we have come to know so well.

"Do you want to stop over at your house to pick up some things?" I ask, since we've decided he's staying at my house for the whole weekend.

"Um yeah. If you don't mind walking to my house then all the way back to yours."

"Course I don't mind." I kiss him lightly and we start walking.

The whole way there was silent. Phil kept a tighter grip on my hand than he ever has before. Whenever I look over at him, he's looking down at his feet as if they're telling him where to go. Just as I even think to break the silence, Phil drops my hand. Only at that moment do I realize we are right in front of his house. Phil wordlessly opens the door and we step inside. He walks up to his room and I follow him. I watch as he packs some clothes into a backpack. He leaves the room and knocks on his mum's office door.

"I'm going over to Dan's."

"When will you be home?" She questions.

"I don't know. Probably Sunday."

"Have fun!"

Phil comes back a few moments later, carrying his toothbrush. He puts it in his backpack and slings it over his shoulders. I notice how much effort he puts into keeping his eyes directed at the floor. I step towards him and place a gentle hand on his cheek, lifting his head. Our eyes lock.

"Are you okay?" I ask, my voice soft. Phil doesn't make a sound, but nods in response. I connect our lips in a soft kiss. Phil returns the gentle kiss in a soft and sweet manner.

"Let's get to your house." Phil says after pulling away.

A little while later, Phil and I step through the front door of my house. I close and lock the door behind us. I hold out my hand, offering to carry Phil's backpack.

"I'll carry that for you."

"What a gentleman." Phil says as he hands it over.

"Only for you." Just as I catch his lips in a kiss, I hear a fake cough from the top of the stairs. I roll my eyes as I look up. It's Adrian. "Why are you here?"

"I live here."

"Don't be a smartass. You're usually at a friend's house. Why not tonight?" Adrian shrugs.

"Everyone needs a little time to themselves."

I don't respond to this. Out of all the nights he can be home, he chooses the night I really want to be alone with Phil. I need to find out what's the matter with Phil and Adrian being home certainly won't help that.

I take Phil's hand and we make our way up the stairs. When we get to the top, Adrian doesn't move.

"Move." I demand.

"Can't I be properly introduced to your _friend_ first?" Adrian smiles at me, trying to strike a nerve. I give him the death glare.

"Phil, this is Adrian. Adrian, this is Phil. Happy?" I say, monotonously. I take a side step, only to be blocked again.

"Why are you holding hands?" Adrian says, faking innocence. His innocent facade is given away by his smirk.

"Don't be a twat. You know why."

"Can't say I _do_ know why."

"Stop giving me shit." I say, aggravated.

"I'm not! All I want is to know why you're holding hands with-"

"Because Phil is my fucking boyfriend and I'll hold his fucking hand if I want!" I yell. Adrian smiles and steps aside.

"That's all you had to say."

As I walk past him, I shove him by his chest. He stumbles backwards, but catches himself before he can fall over. When Phil and I get to my room, I slam my door and put Phil's backpack on my bed. I rub my eyes and sigh.

"I'm sorry. He's really invasive and annoying and-"

"It's okay. He just wanted to know."

"Yeah, but he didn't have to be a dick about it."

"He was just trying to give his older brother a hard time. I did that to my brother all the time."

I sit on my bed and Phil sits next to me. I put an arm around him and I breathe in his scent.

"I just get so much shit at school for being gay. I don't want him to start giving me shit at home, too."

Phil falls back on my bed and covers his face with his hands. He yawns and I watch his chest rise and fall heavily as he does so.

"Tired, still?" I ask Phil. He nods. "You wanna take a nap before we can do anything?" He nods again. He moves over and rests his head on one of my pillows. "Well, I'm not really tired, so you could sleep here and I could-"

"No!" Phil exclaimed. "I mean, no. Please stay with me?" Phil asked, nervously. I nod and sit back down on my bed. After a few moments of silence, I hear Phil's small voice. "Will you hold me?"

I smile as I see his blushing cheeks. I crawl over to him and hold him tight in my arms. I rub his back slowly, keeping a steady pace. Every so often, I kiss his head and tell him how perfect he is. After about twenty minutes of doing this, I'm sure he has fallen asleep. Carefully, I get out of bed and leave my room. I walk down the hall and open my brother's door.

"Have you heard of fucking knocking?"

"Have you heard of fucking respect?" I walk over to Adrian, who is on his bed, playing with his phone. I snatch it from his hands.

"Hey!"

"Listen to me when I'm talking to you." I say, strictly.

"Well, what do you want, then?" He asks, annoyed.

"I want you to treat Phil with respect. You were being a total dick in front of him."

"It's not like I was being a dick _to_ him."

"I still want him to actually like my family."

"Why do you care what he thinks of me?"

"Because he's my boyfriend and you shouldn't be rude to him anyways. He gets enough of that at school."

"Whatever." Adrian scoffs. He sounds a lot like me when he tries to be sassy.

"Please just try to act like a decent human being, okay? I really _really_ like Phil." I say, dropping my angry tone and picking up a more serious one. Adrian's look softens and he gulps.

"Yeah, I know." He sounded like a sorry child who just got scolded by his mum. I toss him back his phone and leave his room. I peak in my room and see Phil still sleeping on my bed. I decide to go to the kitchen and make myself some tea.

When I came back into my room, cup of tea in hand, I sit next to Phil on my bed. I sip my tea and examine his sleeping figure. He's sleeping on his side, facing me. His cheeks are tinted pink and his perfect lips are parted ever so slightly. I put my tea on my bedside table and put an arm around Phil's midsection, feeling myself drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, I look over at my clock. 7:53. Phil's still laying next to me, but he's awake and looking at the ceiling. I blink a few times before stretching my body.

"Phil?" I ask. He looks over at me. "How long have you been awake?" He shrugs.

"Twenty minutes."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" He shrugs again. I reach over and kiss his cheek. "Well, since we're both awake now, let's do something."

I stand up and Phil sits at the edge of my bed. I look around my room, trying to find something fun to do with Phil.

"What do you want to do?" I ask. Phil doesn't say anything. "Phil?" Phil's gaze is locked on the carpet beneath his feet. I walk over to him and clap my hands near his face. Phil looks at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Phil looks at his lap. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

I smile, glad that Phil has actually suggested something for us to do. I nod and pick out a random movie. We sit back on my bed, waiting for the movie to start playing. As it plays, I look over at Phil. He's not paying attention. He's looking at his hands, which rest in his lap. I put an arm around him and kiss him, hoping to comfort him.

About half way into the movie, I pause it. Phil doesn't seem to notice. I sit cross-legged in front of Phil. He's still looking at his hands. His fingers are fiddling around, so I place my hand on top of his. His eyes look into mine.

"Please, Phil. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing! Something is wrong and you won't let me help you."

"Can't you tell that I just don't want to talk about it?" Phil snaps at me.

"I just want to help you because I care!"

"Well if you cared, then you'd stop asking me about it!"

"Don't get mad at me! You're the one ignoring me and not telling me the things you need help with."

"Leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it!" Phil gets up and grabs his backpack.

"What are you doing?"

"Going home." Phil leaves my room. I follow.

"No. Please, Phil. I'm sorry. I just really can't stand to see you upset."

Phil continues out the front door. I follow him until he stops at the end of my front lawn.

"I don't want to talk about it and I want you to stop asking me about it. If I wanted to tell you, then I would." Phil says with tears in his eyes.

"Phil, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you and I don't want you angry with me. I won't ask you again. I'm just really concerned about you and I want to see you happy." I say quickly. I wrap Phil in a gentle hug, not sure if he wants it or not. When I feel his arms around me, I squeeze him tighter. I close my eyes and kiss the side of his head lightly. "Let's go back inside." I offer. Phil nods.

We walk hand and hand into my room and lay down, finishing the movie. For the weekend, Phil still seems a bit distant, but he's a bit better now that I got him to sleep. I'm still really worried about him and I don't know how much he'll change when he goes back home. For now, I'll just enjoy the Phil that is semi-back-to-normal. I think for the most part, he seems better because he's trying to hide his pain from me. He wants me to believe he's better, but he's going to have to do a better job of hiding it if that's what he wants.

I don't care what it takes, but I will get it out of him. I'll find out what's wrong with him and I'll give my everything to make him better. I just hope he lets me help him.

**Hi. So, is it that time? Time for my awful excuses? Well, I had been procrastinating on my summer homework since May. It really sucks being in honor's classes, don't do it. So I've been doing stupid honor's English homework. Also, I was very sick last week and couldn't be bothered to write. I get sick a lot. I have chronic stomach problems. Anyways, new chapter hopefully soon! Please take at least two seconds to review! I like to know that people actually read this story. Thanks, guys! I'll see you in...**

**-Natalie **


	16. Author's Note Don't Leave Me

**Hey guys! I feel so bad that this isn't an actual update. I am having the worst writer's block ever. I was trying so hard to not make an author's note chapter, but I feel like I really had to. I posted a one shot with an author's note that explained my situation, but I know not all of you would see that. So, I'm saying it here. All I think about everyday is how badly I need to update. But, like I said, I'm stuck. **

**I just want you all to know that I am working on it, I am really trying, and I am not abandoning this story. It's been over a month and I should have updated by now. Just understand that it's really hard and stressful for me right now and I have no idea what to do. Wow I feel like a butt for doing this to both of my multi chapter stories. I'm sorry that this has become a normal thing for me to skip updating for a month. **

**I promise you that I will be updating this story again. Hopefully, it will happen soon. I just need to think of something which shouldn't be so hard, but it is. Also, I didn't want to make an author's note chapter because I feel like an interruption like this takes away the effect of the story because it's a real life chapter. Is that just me? Probably. **

**Anyways, I'm so sorry for leaving you hanging. Especially in such an intense part of the story. I promise I am working my butt off and I think about this story non stop. It will have a new chapter as soon as I can make it. Just give me a bit of time. I know you all understand though.**

**Like I said before, I posted a one shot recently, so you could read that if you miss my new content. If you guys want, I could post another one shot soon. Tell me how you feel about that idea.**

**So, I'll see you guys with an update to this story soon. Don't give up on me and leave me! Please?**

**See you all soon!**

**-Natalie**


	17. Lockers And Letters

**Wow has it been a few days already? Man, does time fly… Okay yeah I'm really fucking sorry. You have no idea how badly I feel. And yes, this chapter is kind of shit. I just desperately wanted to get something up. I promise the next chapter will be better. I love you and I'll see you at the bottom.**

That weekend with Phil was strange. Very strange. He just wasn't himself. Or, I guess he was since his new self is quiet and reserved. But quiet and reserved doesn't even begin to cover it. That's just the surface. Inside, and I mean deep inside, there really is something wrong with him. Something he's not telling me. I'm sure if I were persistent enough, I could get it out of him. I think. That's the problem. I only _think_ I can get it out of him. If I try too hard, he may end up getting annoyed or hate me or something. Phil doesn't understand that I'm actually trying to help him. That I actually care. I wish I could just fix everything. But I don't know how.

It is now Monday morning. Phil was here the whole weekend and we didn't do much. I didn't want to do anything. He still looked like a mess, so I made him catch up on sleep. He said he only likes to sleep when I'm there anyways. It helps him feel safe. I wish I could always be there. I didn't want him to go home. I didn't want to let him out of my sight. Maybe that way he'd be okay. Or maybe not.

Today, Tony comes back from his suspension. Tony will probably enter the school more pissed off than he's ever been. Of course, that means it'll be a really bad day for me. And Phil, but I've told him to stay home. Maybe if Tony can only find me today, I'll get it really bad and he won't be so hard on Phil tomorrow. I know Phil won't be able to take going to school today anyways. Physically or emotionally.

I finish getting ready for school and make my way downstairs. I head into the kitchen to grab something quick to eat. My brother is sitting at the table, empty bowl in front of him, eyes locked on me. I turn around and look at him. His brown eyes are squinted slightly as they bore into mine.

"What?" I ask him. He shrugs his shoulders and puts his bowl in the sink.

"You just look exhausted." Adrian says to me. That could be part of why he was staring at me, but I don't think that's the only thing on his mind.

"Yeah I've been thinking a lot. Doesn't matter though." The last thing I need is to have him intrude on my relationship with Phil. His eyes are still on me.

"Does it have anything to do with Phil?" I clench my jaw.

"Don't you have to get to school?" I snap, irritated.

He raises an eyebrow and grabs his backpack from the table. He slings it over his shoulders and walks out of the kitchen. I hear him open the front door and say, "Make sure you're not late today."

God, why does my brother have to be such an annoying twat? Can't he just stay out of what goes on between me and Phil? He knows that I'm dating Phil, isn't that enough? He doesn't need to know about our personal problems. The least he could do is tell me he's fine with us dating. I mean never, not once, has he said to me that it's okay that I'm dating Phil. He probably thinks it's weird or something. Like I give a shit.

Then, my mum walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. She's dressed for work but doesn't have to leave for another 20 minutes. She looks up at me but avoids eye contact. She's still pissed off with me for getting suspended.

"Shouldn't you be on your way to school?" She pulls out a water bottle and closes the fridge. That's all. No 'good morning' no 'how did you sleep' no nothing. When she's mad at me, she like to play the quiet game. She ignores me until I break. I usually can last for a long time, but in this situation, it's all different.

"I guess." I say. I chew my lower lip and watch as she takes a sip from the bottle. "Mum, I'm really sorry for everything I've been putting you through. I don't mean to fight with anyone or get in trouble, it just kind of happens. I promise it won't happen again."

She smiles and kisses my forehead. Her arms encircle me in a hug which I happily return. She pulls away and continues to smile.

"I love you. You may stress me out a lot and make me mad, but I really love you, Dan."

"I love you, too, mum."

After that, I decide to skip breakfast and just start walking to school. About half way there, I realize that I'm shaking. I try to calm myself, but then I start to feel my heart pounding in my chest. Breath, Dan. Relax. You'll be fine. It won't be anything that hasn't happened before. I know what it's like to get beat up. I know what it's like to have everyone hate me. It's nothing new.

I walk into the school and look around quickly. I don't see Tony or any of his friends, so I rush to my locker, keeping aware of my surroundings. When I get to my locker, my eyes go wide. My locker is covered in graffiti. All kinds of words are all over the door. Homo, queer, gay, disgusting, loser, freak, the whole lot of it. But in giant letters going all the way down the locker is, of course, faggot.

I feel the blood rushing to my face and my hands shake and ball into fists. Along with being angry that they actually did this, I'm humiliated. If it wasn't already, now my sexuality is on display for the whole school to see. Now everyone can just look at my locker and see it. See who I am. I am no longer just Dan Howell. I'm Dan Howell, the faggot. That's all I'll ever be. I'm just someone for everyone to play with and laugh at. I'm inferior to everyone because I don't like girls. And everyone knows it. If that's not degrading and humiliating, then I don't know what is.

I blink away tears and turn around so I don't have to look at my locker anymore, hoping I'll forget it even though I know the image is forever burned in my head. People are staring at me. People are laughing. With my eyes on the ground, I quickly shove past them and go to Phil's locker to see if they've done the same thing. Of course, Phil's locker is covered in the same words as mine was. On the floor next to the locker is Phil with his face hiding in his folded arms which rest on his knees. I run over to him and pull him up off the floor. I try my hardest to ignore the people around us, holding in laughter. Phil looks at the people around us and then looks to me. I put an arm around his waist and pull him away from the stupid locker.

I can tell that Phil feels a lot like I do. Angry, embarrassed, just plain hurt. I let Phil hide himself in my shoulder as I walk as quick as I can to the bathroom, my arm never leaving his waist. When we get there, luckily no one's in there. Everyone is probably trying to get to class. Or taking pictures of our lockers. Or plotting some other way to ruin us further. I hand Phil some toilet roll and he wipes his eyes. I bite my lip as I try not to cry. Phil really doesn't need to see that.

Phil throws away the soggy toilet roll and heads over to the sink. He splashes his face with water and then dries it off. He stands with his back towards me and his hands on either side of the sink. I walk over to him and gently place a hand on his shoulder. He turns around and we lock gazes. I wipe a tear away from his unblemished cheek. It seems that that was all it took for Phil to lose it again. He clung to me as he sobbed into my shoulder. I held onto him as tight as I could, fearing letting go. His crying goes on for a while. I just stand there and let him cry. The only thing I can do right now is hold him and wait.

We stay in this position until about halfway through first period. That's when Phil's sobs stop and he pulls away. His gaze goes directly to the tiled floor.

"Why?" Is the first thing Phil says. His voice is weak and small due to the crying he's been doing. I could hardly hear it even though we are in complete silence. "Why did they do it?"

"I don't know." I shake my head. "But I'm going to tell the headmaster and she'll get it painted over."

Phil nodded as more tears fell. He finally looked into my eyes. His blue eyes were completely bloodshot and puffy. I handed him some more toilet roll and he wipes his eyes again. I ask him if he wants to come help me tell the headmaster now and he agrees. I take his hand in mine and we walk together to the headmaster's office.

When we get there, I knock lightly on the door. From inside, she calls, "Come in!"

I open the door and close it behind us. She smiles at us and tells us to take a seat.

"Well, good morning Daniel and Philip." I wonder how she knows Phil's name. He's never been to her office before. She frowns when she sees Phil's state. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Um our lockers got spray painted by someone." I explain. "Could you get a custodian to paint over it or something?" She nods.

"Yes of course." She hands Phil a tissue. He accepts it and squeezes my hand. "Do you know who did it?"

I have a pretty good guess, but I'd rather not say. If I told on Tony, he'd get expelled and he'd kill us. So, I shake my head.

"No."

"Alright. Well, your lockers will be fixed by tomorrow, I assure you. Thank you for stopping by." She smiles at us. I smile back, but Phil ignores her. I don't blame him.

We exit her office and decide to spend the rest of the period in the bathroom. I've never ditched a class before, but right now, it seems like the only option.

X

The entire day was terrible. The only good part about it was Tony and his friends didn't pound on me. I think Tony is starting to do something new. Instead of physically hurting us, he's starting to try to get into our heads. And, man is Tony good at that. Now I'm not saying he's done beating us up, I'm just saying that he's found an additional form of torture. And everyone seems to be helping out with this one.

I've been called so many names today. When I walk down the halls, all I hear is insults. Before I get into class, people write on my desk and laugh as I come in the room. Today, three teachers have handed me back assignments where my name was erased and someone wrote "Faggot". I can only imagine how Phil's taking it.

After the last class of the day, I head to my locker. Over the course of the day, even more people have written stuff on my locker. I have a feeling that after the custodian cleans it up, it'll get messy again.

When I'm done, I walk over to Phil's locker. I promised him that I would to make sure he's okay and that no one would hurt him after school. As I approached his locker, I saw Phil standing there, reading a piece of paper. I watched him as he dropped the note, slam his locker and speed away.

"Phil!" I call as I chased after him. "Phil, wait!" But he didn't. He kept going. He ran out the front door of the school and I followed. I lost him. I looked in the direction of his house, or my house, and everywhere else. Nowhere.

I decided to go back inside to see if the note was there. I reached Phil's locker and looked on the floor. Sure enough, there it was. I picked it up and started reading.

_You're disgusting. You're such a piece of shit that deserves to fucking burn in hell. Do you know how wrong it is? Do you know how wrong it is to be a faggot? It's so wrong. So fucking sick. You don't deserve anyone who loves you. Anyone who loves you will burn in hell with you. And that boyfriend of yours is just as disgusting as you. Both of you are just a waste of space and shouldn't even be considered human. Do everyone a favor and never show your ugly face here again. Faggot._

_-You already know_

I crumple the piece of paper and keep it balled in my fist. I run outside the school and get home as fast as I can. I run to my room and lock the door, throwing the note somewhere. Anywhere out of sight. I punch my wall, leaving a hole in it. I scream into my pillow as the blood trickles from my knuckles.

I'm so pissed off that I can't form any understandable thoughts. Except one.

I hope Phil's okay.

**Hey! So I really hope you liked this chapter. If you're having problems with getting email notifications from fan fiction, just tell me in the reviews or a PM and I'll help you as it was happening to me too. So, don't you worry. I will have the next chapter up soon. I already know what it'll be about. I love you all and I hope you can forgive me. I seriously missed you guys so much. Stay awesome!**

**-Natalie**


	18. He Acts Like I'm His Miracle

**Warning: This chapter has some triggers in it, but nothing graphic. I'm not really one to write those.**

**Get ready. This is a long one. *whispers* that's what she said.**

I didn't talk to Phil for the rest of that day. I tried to, but he didn't answer his phone. I even called his house and his mum said he wasn't feeling well. I tried my best to not get angry or upset. But my boyfriend was ignoring me while he sat in a pit of his own despair. Of course I got upset.

That night was filled with a restless sleep. I tossed and turned and kicked and screamed into the pillow. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was my stupid locker and Phil's horrified face. I hated these images and wanted them gone.

It was 2:30 in the morning and I wanted to ring Phil. I knew he'd be awake. The phone rings once, twice, silence. No, wait, breathing.

"Phil?"

Call ended.

I turn over and close my eyes. Forget the locker. Forget the note. Forget Phil's upset face. Concentrate on good memories. When we first met, our date night, when we cuddled in bed. Phil's soft lips on mine, his gentle hands on my waist. Perfect.

And just like that, I finally get some sleep.

Sadly, my alarm clock rings and I have to get up to go to school. Great. I purposely take forever to get ready and get to school. When I get there, I'm greeted with the same warm welcome I'm greeted with every morning.

"Faggot."

"Queer."

"Homo."

The stupid remarks they make always sting at first, but I need to keep my head down, ignore them, and walk away.

I go to my locker without making eye contact with anyone. My locker has obviously been painted over to cover the spray paint it had yesterday. To no surprise, people spray painted it again this morning. I close my locker and make my way up to the third floor to my class. As I walk down the hall, people push and shove me as they mutter any kind of insult they can think of. Low life assholes.

I quickly head to my desk and I see that Phil's desk is empty. Weird. He's usually here before me. He's probably running late. I hope no one is holding him back by giving him a hard time. The thought makes me sick. Tony and his stupid friends just yelling at Phil while beating him up. I shudder and snap out of it when I hear the final bell, signaling the start of class. I look over to see Phil's desk still empty. I take out my phone, making sure the teacher can't see it, and type out a text to Phil.

"Hey babe where are you? You feeling okay? I'll be round to your house later if you want.

xx- Dan"

After I send the text, the kid in front of me turns around and looks at me with a disgusting smirk on his face.

"Where's the other little faggot? Didn't want to hang around a loser like you, eh? What would it matter? He's a loser too anyways."

"Shut the fuck up and leave my boyfriend alone."

All I get in return is a stupid laugh as he high fives his friend. Dickhead.

The rest of first period was full of boringness, insults, and no Phil to talk to. I was also really worried because Phil didn't text me back. He probably got sick, so he's sleeping in late. I hope he's okay. I'll text him again soon.

After the bell rang signaling the end of first, I got my bag and attempted to make it to my second class without being ridiculed. It didn't work. Right as I stepped out of the classroom, I got stopped by Tony. Of course he wasn't going to let it slide. He wasn't going to forget I got him suspended. I guess the locker decoration was just a nice surprise of his.

Tony's hands grabbed the collar of my shirt and he pushed me against a row of lockers, causing a loud slam. I cringe as a pain shoots through my back. He laughs in return.

"Where's faggot number 2?" He spits in my face.

"Don't call him that." I say, not caring how bad he hurts me. I've stopped caring about that long ago. By now, we already have a large crowd surrounding us.

"Why not? I call 'em like I see 'em."

When I don't respond, he punches me in the gut, making me yelp out in pain. A few teachers have noticed the crowd and have come out of their classrooms to help. But once they see it's me getting beaten, they walk right back into their classrooms. No one, not even the teachers, want to help the loser. The outcast. The faggot. The freak.

His fist the connects with my jaw and I immediately taste blood. This earns a loud cheer from the crowd. I spit blood onto the floor and try to wiggle myself free of his grasp.

"What's wrong, fag? Too much?"

Finally, a teacher comes to my aid. Well not really. He just tells the crowd to move on to class. And even though I know he saw Tony beat me up, he just tells us both to get to class. After Tony leaves, I approach the teacher.

"Come on, Howell, off to class."

"Can I please go to the nurse? He hit me in the stomach and the jaw. I'm spitting blood."

"Go wash up in the bathroom and get to class. Don't be late." He says before walking away. What a help he was.

I spit more blood on the floor, which is most that was in my mouth, and make my way to class.

Second period goes on as usual. Getting made fun of, trying to ignore it, hearing them make fun of Phil, me bitching at them for saying those things about him.

In my free period, I lay down on the stage, lonely and bored. I wish Phil's arms were around me. I wish my arms were around Phil. I wish I could kiss his soft lips. I wonder where he is. He still hasn't replied. I pull out my phone and write another text.

"I'm kind of worried now. You haven't replied to me yet. I know I sound like an overprotective boyfriend, I just really hope you're okay. Text me when you can.

xx- Dan"

I spend all this period and next period just sitting there, staring into space, thinking about Phil, wanting to get a text from him. When the bell rings telling me it's time for lunch, my mood worsens. Another period I have to bear without Phil.

I slowly make my way to my lunch table, making sure I don't get caught by any of the worst bullies. I sit at my table, staring at my phone. I'm not hungry. I have no appetite today. I want to vomit.

I wish I could go to a more accepting school. All I hear now is shit. Mocking. Teasing. You'd think all the teasing stayed in primary school. It doesn't. People are just as childish. It's the worst feeling ever to know that everyone hates you. Even if they're not saying anything, you know what they're thinking. And you always hear whispers of disgust. It gets to you.

Finally, I feel my phone vibrate. I look down and see it's a text from Phil. Thank god.

I was expecting a cute reply.

A nice little text to make me smile.

Oh was I off.

Way off.

"I'm sorry I didn't respond. I wasn't really in the right state of mind. I'm sorry, Dan. I can't do this anymore. Living with this constant bullying, knowing that no one around me accepts me. I can't do it. I'm sorry. I care about you so much, and I feel terrible for doing this to you. I'm sorry, Dan. I've ruined your life and you don't deserve this. Goodbye.

xx- Phil"

What? No. No no no! This isn't what it seems. He's not saying what I think he is.

I feel tears sting in my eyes and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I jump up and run out of the cafeteria, ignoring anyone that tries to say anything to me.

Then, two hands grab my shirt.

"Where you running off to, faggot? Somewhere you gotta be?" Tony asks, his face only centimeters from mine.

"Get off of me!" I scream. He jumps back. "Get the fuck off of me! This is all your fault! I don't know if I'll ever see him again and it's all because of you! Ruin my life, I don't care. But end his, and I'll end yours!"

I run off, leaving Tony looking dumbfounded. I look around for teachers, and when I see none, I dash out of the building and start running down the street.

I call Phil, praying that he answers. When he doesn't, I panic more than before. It's times like these where I wish I had a car. I'd be able to save Phil for sure. But I have to run. What if I can't get there quick enough? I call him again. Each time it goes to voicemail, I hang up and call again.

After running for a few blocks, I feel like I'm about to die. My stomach still hurts from when Tony punched me, I can't see because I'm crying too hard, and my chest is aching from running and being out of breath. Despite this feeling, I keep running. I run harder and faster. Only a few more blocks. I need to get to him. I need to save him.

When I turn down Phil's street, I'm relieved. I'm here. It'll be okay. I'm here. I run up to Phil's house and see that his mum isn't home like she usually is. I got to the front door and tried the knob. Locked.

"Phil! Open this door! Please, Phil! Phil!" I scream as I pound on the door.

I feel myself shaking as I look desperately for a spare key. I think Phil said something about one once. I check above the door with no success. I lift up the welcome mat and breath a sigh of relief when I see a key. I quickly unlock the door and slam it when I'm inside.

"Phil!" I yell.

I run up the stairs to his room and push open the door. In front of me, there is a sobbing Phil on his bed, with a knife in his hands. He freezes when he sees me in the door.

"Phil!" I shout.

I run to his bed and try to knock the knife out of his hand and on to the floor. Phil, however keeps his iron grip on the knife.

"No!" Phil screams. "I need it!"

Unless I want Phil to stab himself like he intended, the only choice I have is to grab the blade of the knife and try and pry it from his hands. The blade digs into my skin as Phil and I fight for the knife. I cry out in pain, but refuse to let go.

"Fuck! Phil, give me the fucking knife!" I plead through clenched teeth.

Phil looks down and sees the blood rushing out of my hands and automatically lets go. I stumble backwards and fall to the floor as I throw the knife to the ground. I look quickly at my bloody hands before I realize that Phil is still on his bed, sobbing.

I hurriedly get up from the floor and sit on Phil's bed. I wrap my arms around him tightly, pulling him in close. He clutches me for dear life as he sobs into my chest. I cry along with him from the pain in my hands and the pain in my heart. My blood is staining Phil's clothes, but I doubt he cares.

"I don't want to be here anymore." Phil sobs loudly. "I just want to die!"

I rock him back and forth, with his head tucked under my chin. I stroke his hair softly, trying to get him to calm down.

"Shh Phil. It's okay! It's okay!" I say over his sobs. "I'm here, everything's fine."

I take this opportunity to relax a bit and catch my breath. Phil's okay. Phil's alive. And I'm going to make sure he stays alive.

Phil, my beautiful Phil, just tried to take his own life. He thinks he ruined my life. Everyone in our school turned on him. Turned on us. I can only imagine how horrible he feels, considering he has been bullied before. This is my fault.

I've seen Phil cry before, but never like this. This is more serious and heartbreaking. More real. Much later, Phil calms down from sobs, to steady tears and whimpers. I keep my hold on him as tight as before, whispering comforting words in his ears. My hand rubs circles in his back, hoping to calm him down more.

"I'm sorry, Dan. I'm so sorry." Phil manages to say.

"Oh Phil. Don't ever scare me like that again. I thought you were dead. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm sorry." Phil repeats.

"No, Phil. Don't apologize. You don't need to be sorry."

"Yes I do. I ruined your life. I made everyone in school hate you. You were doing just fine until I showed up. Now everyone knows you're gay and hates you. I'm so sorry."

"If I didn't think it was worth it, do you think I'd still be with you? Phil, I care about you more than anything. I don't care if everyone in the world hates me. As long as I have you, nothing else matters. I- I love you, Phil." I whisper the last part.

"You- you love me?" Phil questioned. He sat up, looking me right in the eyes.

"Of course I do. The moment I saw your beautiful eyes is the moment I fell for you."

"Dan, I don't know what to say." His eyes were getting teary again. "I love you, too."

"You do?" I ask, taking Phil's hand in my less damaged one.

"Yes. I do."

"Really?" I ask. "Since when?"

"Since you told me you liked my Muse shirt on my first day."

Phil sits up straighter and I tackle him into a giant hug. I love him. He loves me. I'm in love! We're in love! When I pull away from the hug, I see for what I'm sure is the first time today, Phil's amazing smile. A real, genuine Phil smile. It just makes me want to pull him into a hug again. It's absolutely incredible how Phil can be smiling right now because of me. Because I _love_ him.

I sling my arms around his shoulders and his arms go around my waist. With the force of my hug, we fall from our sitting position to a laying down position. I pull my head back and connect my lips to his.

After a short kiss, Phil seems to notice how bad the damage to my hands are.

"Oh my god. Dan I'm so sorry. I didn't think I would-"

"Hey it's okay. I needed to help you somehow."

"But you're hurt. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"But you're 's all that matters to me" I say as Phil smiles, gratefully.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

Phil takes my hand, not caring about the blood getting on his hand. We stand up and make our way to his bedroom door, which is open because I was too terrified to close it on my way in. He turns on the bathroom light and takes out a first aid kit. He instructs me to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. I follow his instruction.

As he gets to work on my hands, I watch intently. He treats them with such care, trying not to hurt me.

"Thank you." Phil whispers. "Thank you for saving me."

"I couldn't just let you die. You're my boyfriend and I love you."

"But I just- I don't get it."

"You don't get what?" I ask.

Phil looks as if he's pondering his mind for an answer to this as he puts anti-bacterial stuff on my palms.

"This may sting a little." He warns. I cringe as I see what he means.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Sorry. I just don't get why you love me so much and had to save me. I ruined your life." He reasons.

"I told you before that you didn't ruin my life. You changed it, but in the best way possible. So what if the whole school isn't accepting? I don't want to be friends with those dicks anyways."

"So I didn't ruin your life?" Phil asks as he takes my now bandaged hands. I pull myself up so I become eye level with him.

"You have made my life so much better. I mean, I'm in love now! How could that have ruined my life? I love you and you love me. You're my life, and my life is perfect."

"Dan." That's all Phil manages to say before he gets choked up and pulls me into a hug. "I love you so much." I bury my face in his neck and take in his scent.

"I know. I love you, too." After a few minutes of this, I ask him something that has been eating at my brain for a while. "Phil? Did you um… Hurt yourself in any way before I got here? Please tell me if you did." He hugs me tighter.

"No. I promise I didn't. You stopped me."

I nod and kiss him again. Phil and I put away the first aid kit and clean up a bit. When we walk back into his room, I spot the knife on the floor with a small pool of blood around it. My blood. I stop and stare and so does Phil. I grab the knife and take it to his kitchen where I wash it with hot water and so much soap that it could fill the ocean. When I came back, Phil had stain remover and a rag and was getting rid of the blood. I dropped to my knees and tried to take it from him.

"No, let me do it." I said. "It's my blood."

"It's my fault." Phil said while scrubbing.

"It's not."

"I'm cleaning it anyways. You can't do much with your hands right now."

He finished scrubbing and threw away the rag. No sense keeping a rag with your boyfriend's blood on it I guess.

Phil was standing by his door and I was sitting on his bed. He was kind of just standing there and I was staring at him. I was taking in his appearance, thinking about how lucky I am to have him. How amazing this person is.

"Why are you staring at me?" Phil asked, bringing me back to reality. I shook my head and stood up.

"I almost lost you. I almost never got to tell you I loved you. I don't know what I'd do if you were gone. I don't want to think about it." I sniffled and Phil gave me a teary eyed smile.

"Damn it Dan, you're going to make me cry again."

I smiled back and pulled him into a strong embrace. A strong embrace that neither of us could get enough of. His arms were tightly locked around my waist and his head was on my shoulder. My arms were around his shoulders and I looked down at him. This boy really was perfect.

"Thank you for coming into my life." Phil said. He acts like I'm his miracle. But really, he's mine.

"Thank _you_ for coming into _mine_."

And at that moment, I knew that things were looking up. I could just feel it.

**Rule number one: If you have to have a character in your fan fiction clean blood from a carpet, DO NOT ask your sister how to do so. She will give you weird looks. **

**Anyways, thank you guys so much for welcoming me back with open arms last chapter. You guys are great. I will have my next chapter up soon, don't worry your pretty little heads about it. You guys. You rock. My. Socks. No one says that anymore. I do.**

**-Natalie**


End file.
